


Camboy

by YukitoSan



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Asher is a good boy, BDSM, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Male Character, Childhood Trauma, Dom/sub, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Light Angst, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Partner Betrayal, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Toys Under Clothing, Stalker, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, camboy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22990879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukitoSan/pseuds/YukitoSan
Summary: ''How far would you go to keep your integrity?''Asher has a double life. During the day, he's a tattoist, and during the night, he makes pornographic broadcasts. In one of these broadcasts, he meets River, a married man who will reserve a tuning point in his life.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [WARNING! This story contains:
> 
> \- Explicit Sex
> 
> \- Strong language
> 
> \- Betrayal/ Abuse
> 
> Read at your own risk].

**PROLOGUE**

* * *

**[''We're all just a bunch of addicts, fighting our drug of preference.'']**

．．．

I'm a camboy.

Many wonder why I have chosen this too, and not just focused on my tattooing business, and perhaps I cannot explain it accurately, since even I do not fully understand my decisions. I can only say firmly that I was in the mood to try new things, and pornography served quite well for this.

At the time, I wasn't as well known as a really good tattooist, so my income wasn't the best, and after some research, I found out that people actually make good money by prostituting themselves online. I began in this universe in my twenty-five, and I can relate my first experience as if someone had thrown me into the ocean and taught me to swim just by telling me that I was capable of.

It took me a while to settle into all those new things, and especially it took me a while to familiarize myself with those new people every day, some of whom became daily and may even match them to a friend. After all, in this world, there is only one rule: **do everything you can to captivate the attention of others.**

I was a bit shy at first, so it took me a while for me to get the slightest bit of appreciation on that site, but when I did, my rep was to offer almost any kind of kink, as long, of course, as I was paid for it. Because of this, I must admit that nothing else excites me in the human being, I did from Bondage to Emetophilia. I made almost everything I could to make a good income at the end of the month.

But when my business as a tattooist began to give me a good financial return, at my twenty-seven, I gave a break from transmissions to focus on what was my dream from the beginning. But by the time this happened, I had made some friendships in that endless virtual cosmos, and one of these friendships was with Adryan.

He became my roommate, since I had rented a relatively large apartment on impulse and didn't want to pay the rent alone, I invited him to live next to me, and luckily he accepted on time. Besides him, I met others like Alexa and Harvey, and I didn't even think it was possible to really become close to people who did the same as me.

Well, I can declare that my teenage years were full of lies and stupid vendettas, and maybe that's where the slogan of ''always try new things'' came from. During high school, I had a little affair with a boy named River, and when I say little, it's because it really was that way, since it only lasted one night that we were both high at a stupid party.

People found out and came up with several nicknames aimed at us, I wasn't so impacted because I didn't care so much, but, River was deeply concerned since his father was somewhat... Too narrow. He was CEO of a proper company and nearly everyone knew him for this, so what he least wanted were suggestions that his cherished son was gay, so he pushed us away.

I thought I would never see him again after I finished high school, and this thought lasted for a long time since the only information I received from him was when I decided to look at this social media, only then to realize that he was doing very well in life and that not only this, but he was married to a stunning woman. And, well, maybe it was pointless when your father has almost the most striking company in the country.

But, one day, when I wasn't even thinking about broadcasting something, a message came to me, offering me a good amount to do something about it. And, obviously, I accepted, but, my body froze when I saw who was on the other side.

_It was River._


	2. R-Tay

_Chapter One_

* * *

**[''We're a sad generation with happy photographs]**

**．．．**

_New York, February 16, 2020._

_''R-Tay... Please...''_

There was a malicious smile on Asher's face, which, even though it was covered by a black mask with gold details, was still visible. On the other side of the screen was a young blond man in his mid-twenties with his blue half-closed eyes towards the camera being the only thing that Asher could pay attention to at that moment.

— Who allowed you to look at me, bitch? — He changed his tone, making the boy look away.

His computer was far away from him since Asher's view of the boy was complete. He was lying on the bed, his legs spread out towards the camera, while he fucked himself with two of his fingers, even if his movements were slow, they still took away his groans, as he moved his free hand hurriedly around his cock.

He should know masochists were always the hardest to deal with, even if he had years on the back of things being said to people like them. The boy in front of him never told him his real name, each time he gave him a different name and asked to be directed at him only with curses, and he was being paid for this, so he had no problem at all in having to do this.

The boy on the other side masturbated, his hands fast with every provocation that came out of Asher's mouth. The first time he saw this behavior, he was scared of what people could subjugate themselves to gain a little pleasure from a stranger since before entering this underworld of the Internet, he thought that only informal sex was possible.

— R-Tay... I-I-I... — The boy moaned, his teeth over his lower lip.

— Cum for me, nasty little slut.

The boy made a few more movements on his dick as his moans increased and his back bent. When the orgasm hit him, he messed up his stomach while mumbling a dirty word that Asher hadn't been able to hear since his audio wasn't so good, and then he took out the fingers that were still inside him. His chest moved up and down fast still, and it was as if the young man could guess how fast his heart was and how arousing his breath was at that moment.

— Thanks, R-Tay...

Then the young man approached the computer and smiled at the boy on the other side, who also smiled at him. The blonde then turned off the vídeo call, letting Asher just stare at his computer screen for a few more moments, until he finally got up and took off his mask, leaving it on the desk.

Before leaving his room, he just sat down to his chair again and opened another tab on his navigator, thus going to his bank account seeing that fifty dollars had been added. A smile formed on his face, finally rising again and unlocking the door of his room, looking at the surroundings as soon as he opened it, looking for Adryan with the eyes.

— I'm here, asshole. — So he raised his hand a little, so Asher could see him lying on the couch while he was taking a Coke. — What were you doing?

Asher didn't answer him, just went through the living room and into the kitchen, which, because it was an open concept, didn't stop Adryan from seeing him _. ''You washed your fuckin' hands, didn't you?'',_ he asked, laughing.

— I didn't do anything. — He grumbled, opening the refrigerator door and removing a piece of pizza from there. — Can I eat it?

— I was thinking about eating it later.

— You _were_ thinking, okay, so I can. — He winked at him, making compress his lips.

Asher took a plate from the shelves and put the pizza on it, then took it to the microwave and programmed about thirty-second. As soon as the ''beep'' of the appliance took him out of his mind, he just picked up the plate from the inside, grumbling a curse as soon as the warmth of the glass hit his finger. _''This is karma, bitch!''_ , he could hear Adryan screaming at him, taking a laugh out of himself as he approached it, and sat down next to him, almost pushing him to do it.

— Who was this time?

— A masochist. — He spoke as soon as he took a bite of the pizza. — He was kinda cute.

— And you didn't get a boner? — He arched his eyebrow, causing Asher to choke on pizza, not yet used with his friend's honesty.

— I wasn't on the mood. — He said after couching and relieving himself by taking a sip of the cold Coke offered by his friend. — And I don't get hard about self-deprecating people either.

— You still have much to learn, pupil. — He provokes him by patting him on the shoulder and finally getting up. — I'm thinking about gettin' out. Do you want to come along?

— I think I'll go later. You can go.

— Okay. Nice pizza. — He said as he took the key to the apartment that was on the table and then left.

Adryan was a famous camboy, although this often made him seem a bit presumptuous in certain ways, he was still a great company. Unlike him, Adryan constantly showed his face during his broadcasts and thought he did this because there was nothing to lose. Asher still kept in mind that he wanted to leave the broadcasts and his professional life as a tattooist being very different things, and only thought of revealing his face when tattooing was no longer his true passion.

Adryan is an attractive guy for him, he was only a year old than him, although he had many more years on his back in porn, and because of this, he liked to teach him obvious things about the world of the Internet like he was an old man who didn't know how to use Facebook. His eyes were blue which resembled two pools of crystalline water, his hair as bulky, straight and gray, which was used in a style that made Asher question whether he brushed it. His skin was brown and his body was indeed hot, and perhaps the central reason why his viewers were so loyal to his broadcasts.

At first, he felt a certain attraction for Adryan, since he had met him in a broadcast, but after seeing him and getting close, he began to see him as a brother, who, even pissing him off at times, still loved him.

As soon as he finished his pizza, he just took his plate to the dishwater and then headed to his room, thinking about what clothes he would choose to go out with at that moment. He sighed, looking out the window for a few moments, seeing that the night was taking over New York, the stars being almost imperceptible, making him question whether this was the fault of the clouds or the pollution.

Soon the young man went to his wardrobe and removed some pieces of clothing from there, then sitting on the bed to take out the light sweatshirt pants he was wearing, as he would not want to lose his balance while taking off it. He preferred for pale things, almost white jeans — since he hated dark jeans — then he put on a black regatta and put on his dark and already slightly worn sneakers, making him think that he would soon have to replace them.

Before he left, he stared at himself in the mirror. He could consider himself a fine boy. His hair was light brown and usually split in the middle of his forehead, sometimes standing over his eyes, which were narrow and equally brown, almost resembling Jasper. His face was normal, with no defined jaws or protruding cheekbones, it was only normal, just as his body, which was not Strong or thin, although his clavicles were well visible and his shoulder were lightly large.

He had a tattoo on his neck, written ''surrender'', and could stay for more than an hour telling the concept behind it, but would prefer to leave it for another time since it did not involve _only_ himself. He also had another tattoo on his arm, which started on his shoulder and reached up to his elbow, it was tribal, liked that kind of tattoo for some reason. Being a tattooist, he considered himself with few, but knew that in time he would add more.

On his lower lip, he had a piercing that if looked at him from afar it would go unnoticed. He sighed, then stepping out the front of the mirror and grabbing a jacket that was thrown over the bed and finally leaving his room, picking up the key in a hurry and leaving the apartment. _''Fuck...'',_ he grumbled after noticed that Adryan hadn't locked the door when he left.

．．．

He walked the streets quietly, just watching the movement, which, even during the night and in his neighborhood was quiet. He always liked to analyze people on the street, even if this might seem impolite to someone who heard him talking about such a habit, however, because he liked to draw — since his profession aimed at this as well — in his teenage years, he kept looking at people who passed by his street while he was sitting on the curb, wondering what kind of tattoos they could like, and if they had one where it could be.

He had told Adryan he was going out but didn't really know where he was going, so maybe he just wanted to hang around until he got tired and went into some bar to drink. He suddenly stopped walking, pulling the phone out of his pocket and unlocking it quickly, going to his contacts and sliding his finger down to get what he wanted.

— Hey, Jaehyun, you want to go somewhere now? — Asked when the boy on the other side picked him up, soon hearing a consent. — Are you at home?

— No, I'm in a bar. — A smile appeared on Asher's face. — I'm at Attaboy, you want to come over here?

— I'm on my way. — Then he hung up, putting the phone in his pocket again.

He has only been to that bar a few times, perhaps because something rustic wasn't quite what caught his attention, but since Jaehyun was there and considered him a better friend drunk than sober, he didn't want to miss the occasion. He was the receptionist for his business, and as far as he can remember, he has been at his side since his early days in the business.

．．．

It took him a few minutes to come to the place, so seeing him sitting at one of the tables, he seemed to be alone, so just slowly approached and arrived saying an enthusiastic ''hello'' to him. _''You were fast'',_ he said somewhat amazed.

— Yeah, I walk fast. — He shrugged. — God, you must be fuckin' lonely to come to a bar alone.

— Shut the fuck up. — He kept his laugh. — I was just bored and wanted to drink.

— I can see it. — He laughed, then went to the bartender and asked for a drink.

As soon as he received it, he sat down in front of Jaehyun, watching him. Jaehyun did not appear to be just a receptionist, with his gray eyes, thin face with a turned nose and great mouth, straight, black hair that he never seen different, and his slender body with pale skin, at very least, could be mistaken for a model.

Having a Korean ancestry, his eyes were slightly narrow, and even after years Asher still had some difficulty in declaring his name, always doing so slowly so that he did not make a mistake for the tenth time in just a few hours. _''How's the vacation you gave yourself?'',_ he asked then.

— I'll be back to work tomorrow. — He sighed, looking depressed. — Aside it was only two days. Even if it doesn't look it, it's tiring.

— Yeah, I know it is. — Sighed, too. — But _fuck_ this now. You still have a few hours of peace before it all starts again.

— Yeah, you're right. _Fuck_ this. — He smiled at him, thus toasting the glasses just for fun.

Jaehyun during his working days was strictly professional, and there were few times that Asher could wipe a smile off his face, but even if he often think this too much, he knew that it came from his family, who also looked exactly like him, although he had met them once or twice.

After a loose talk and a few more drinks, Jaehyun caught Asher's eye discreetly, saying that there had been a person watching him for some time. When the young man directed his gaze in the direction his friend told him, his eyes met those of a beautiful woman sitting on one of the chairs. She wore what appeared to be the uniform of an association, being black pants, with high-heeled shoes of the same color and a wipe T-shirt that was placed under her pants.

Asher only looked at his friend, as if to ask him if he should go and talk to her, and after a nod, he just stood up and walked towards her, sitting beside her _. ''I thought you wouldn't come here'',_ the woman joked, her voice being serious, the kind that made a chill cross the young man's spine.

When he stared at her directly in the eye, he could observe her beauty closely. She had large green eyes, her face with gently evident apples and an arched nose, which contrasted with her dark skin; her hair was straight and as long as her waist, being of a cream color. The boy could also observe her body, even if he was sitting down, he concluded that it was athletic and that she had a tattoo on her ankle, which was a bunch of leaves; when his eyes turned directly to her face, he also noticed that there was a tattoo under her ear, which could only notice because she had put her hair behind it, in it was written ''freedom''.

— Please tell me that the man you were sitting with is not your fellow.

— What? God, no! — He laughed, thinking how strange it would be to date Jaehyun. — What made you think that?

— I don't know... — She sighed, taking a sip of her beer. — It seems that all hot men today are gay.

— Was that a compliment? — He arched his eyebrow, staring her and watching her grin. — But if I were, I'd certainly choose better. — The woman laughed, making him smile. — Well, what's your name?

— Rosalyn. But call me Lyn, please. What about you?

— Asher.

— Name different, huh? — She looked at him, watching him nod. — I think it is gorgeous. — Then she stared at the young man who was drinking alone at the table. — Is it okay to leave your friend alone just to come to talk to me?

— Oh, _him_? — He looked back. — Nah. I think he likes his own company. — Then the woman got up. — Do you mind go for a walk? — Lyn denied it. — I know some interesting places to go to.

— Then let's go, gentleman. — Asher smirked at her.

．．．

It didn't have to be a genius to say that at the end of the night they both ended up in a motel. Lyn was now sitting on the edge of the bed, smoking a cigarette while Asher was standing beside her, leaning against the head of the bed.

— Honestly, few men are willing to do what we want. They're just focused on cum and that's it. — Then she stared at him, the smoke still coming out of her mouth. — But you surprised me. We should meet more often, what do you think?

— Yes, why not, I'd love to. — He smiled, then stood up, picking up his clothes from the ground. — You're too beautiful to meet only once.

— Oh, I am? — She stood up, going towards him and putting her arms around his neck, but before she could do anything, the ringing of her cell phone stopped her.

Asher's eyes went to the screen that was bright now, realizing that the name of the contact that called her was ''boyfriend'', and at the same moment, his expression closed. He only tightened his lips and dressed quickly, seeing in the woman an expression of uncertainty, since she had not noticed that he had seen.

— What's wrong with you? — She held his arm before he left the room.

— Don't you want to invite your boyfriend next time?

— We're almost done... It's a complicated relationship. Don't think I'm the cheating kind... And...

— You're _still_ dating, which means _you_ cheated. — He sighed, taking his jacket. — Don't think I'm gonna be the 'other' of your life, Lyn. I've been in this position several times.

— I'm sorry. — She ran her hand through her hair. — You know what, if we broke up, can I come after you? I know where you're working on, I can go there.

— We'll see. — Then he left the room.

He knew that often his attitude showed that he didn't want anything serious and because of this, he had already become involved in enough couple dramas. He understood that relationships weren't easy, but still, being people's escape valve wasn't his favorite hobby.

_Although, soon, he would put himself in the same circumstance again._


	3. Paths

_Chapter Two_

* * *

**[''The universe is in your bones, the stars in your soul; it's never really the end.'']**

**－ Don't forget to vote and comment －**

．．．

_New York, February 17, 2020._

It could start with Asher waking up, however, he did this a long time ago, and still managed to delay his return to work. When he arrived in front of the establishment, he found Jaehyun looking at him bitterly, as if at the same time, he was angry with him, he was also used with such an attitude. _"As always, isn't it?"_ , he warned him, and the young man just ignored and opened the establishment quickly.

— There's never a customer at eight in the morning, you don't have to look at me like that. — He sighed, then left the key in the counter drawer.

Jaehyun soon entered the place and went behind the counter, sighing. Asher, on the other hand, went to the back, where his tattoo studio was, soon adjusting the things that had been outstanding since the day he had left. The reason for taking a 'holiday' was because he was overwhelmed and had a horrible panic attack, which only made him think that maybe he should slow down his pace, even if it slightest.

Even if he knew how to deal with panic attacks since Adryan could judge himself a champion of such a thing — although it was not a friendly title to give to anyone. That man had a stipulated number of viewers per broadcast he made, and if that number was 5% less than his previous scheme, he would end up having an outbreak, wondering what he had done to keep people from craving to see him. And even if Asher appeased him, he would remain with this schism until the next day, when the number would normally stabilize.

— Sir, this way... — Then Jaehyun's voice caught his attention, revealing a man entering his studio.

He appeared to be in his early thirties and looked quite elegant. He smiled at Asher, who soon returned his smile and got up from the chair to greet him properly. _"Good morning, sir,"_ said to him with a smile.

— I heard about you... I believe it was through my girlfriend. — He came over.

— Ah, yes... And what the...

His speech was impeded by a punch that the man had defended, making him pronounce a dirty word indistinctly and staring at him with his eyes wide open, which were filled with confusion and anger. _''What the fuck is this?''_ , he shouted, getting up and moving away from the man, who pulled him back up by shirt.

— I'm Rosalyn's boyfriend. — He grumbled, thus making him sigh as if the reason for not getting involved with people without knowing the slightest about them had come to light. — And I wanted to get the truth out of you. Who do you think you are to go fuck women who are engaged, you little bastard?!

At the same instant, Jaehyun opened the door at a fast pace, making Asher stare at him with a certain peace of mind, as if asking him not to do anything. The boy remained to stare at him in fear when Asher pushed him away and demanded that listened to him. _"It was she who wanted to talk to me,"_ he grumbled, passing his hand over his mouth as he felt the metallic taste invading his interior, making him shown an expression of disgust.

— My girlfriend is not like those whores you must fuck!

— There's no need to mock other people. — Shrugged his shoulders, staring at him without fear. — What I'm talking about is a fact, and you better watch your relationship. — He sighed. — And you better get out of my establishment, too.

— Who do you think you are?!

— The _owner_ of this place. — That scared him. — So if you don't want to see me angry, you'd better go now.

— You're just a fucking playboy who's never gonna find anyone anyway! — He whined, then walked away. — I hope karma informs you that your actions have outcomes! — He pushed Jaehyun when were leaving again.

— Ah, believe me, I already know this. — He sighed, even though the man was no longer listening.

— How many times has this happened, Asher? — Jaehyun asked him, making him shrug and fix some things that were disposed of out of place by the man's attitude. — You really have to find someone who wants something serious with you, that's friendly advice. You'll end up dead someday because of this.

— I know it, I know it. — He stared at him. — But life seems to like doing this to me. — Laughed, even if his friend still had an austere look on his face. — Someday I'll find, don't worry... And I won't get killed for this, I'll certainly get killed for something more ordinary.

— Asher... — It caught his attention.

— Okay, okay. — He laughed, turning his back and then hearing the noise of the door closing while the smile on his face faded. — Okay... — He grumbled to himself.

．．．

When Asher returned to his apartment, Adryan wasn't there, and frankly, this didn't surprise him at all, since it was usual not to see him home after 8 pm. Because he was alone, he just sighed and headed to his room, throwing himself into his bed and staring at the ceiling for a few moments, pondering what to do.

His gaze met the computer at the desk, and he only got up when an idea came to his mind. There was one person he had to talk to for a while and he was avoiding, so when he saw that his call was accepted after a few moments, his heart raced because of anxiety.

— Hi, Mom. — Then he said with a fussy smile on his face as if he didn't know how to react when saw that woman on the other side of his screen, and she only revealed a smile to him, openly happy.

— Hi, honey. — She said with a smile. — It's been a while since you called me...

— Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. — He sighed. — I just... I've been pretty busy the last few months.

— I understand... After all, you're working on what you always dreamed of, right? And from what I've seen, it's working incredibly well! — Asher smiled when saw her laughing. — Your father would be proud of you, my son. — His happy expression slowed down, giving way to a melancholy one.

— Thank you. — Even so, he said smiling. — Did you get the money I sent?

— Ah! Yes, I did. — She smiled, taking her eyes off the camera and looking for something to put on the table, then showing him an envelope. — Here, my son. Thank you very much... For what you're doing for me.

— It's the least I can do for what you've already done for me, Mom.

— Then you should come to visit me... I'm sure I'd appreciate it even more. — Asher's smile gradually waned, then he just nodded. — I know this house doesn't give you good energy... But even so, I'm still waiting for you... It's been years, Ash.

— I guarantee I'll show up there someday. — So he put a smile on his face. — How's Vicky?

Vicky was a dog that his mother had adopted a little over a year ago, she was an extremely cheerful mongrel, and whenever she filmed her, she was gnawing at some part of the couch or running in circles. _"She's fine,"_ she replied, this time looking for her and then turning her laptop a little to the right to show that she was now resting on the living room carpet, wiping a smile off Asher's face, who was happy to know that his mother was in fact well after his father passed away, as it took years to see her smile again.

As soon as she realized Asher had seen the dog, she just turned her laptop over to her face again. His mother was still beautiful even though she found herself in her fifties, with her hair still dark, although it was already possible to notice a few white threads in the middle of them, along with some expression marks, especially under her dark brown eyes. Her face was small, and her nose was straight, her mouth was frowned and small, and during her childhood, he always used to see her wearing some lipstick, even if it was soft, and a smile formed on his face when he saw that she was wearing it again. _ _"Darling, I want to tell you something,"_ _that caught his attention, making him just stare at her with curiosity, and, at the same time, fear of what might come out of her mouth as soon as she opened it.

— I know it's late, and you're a big man now, but know that you'll always be my boy... — Smiled, like she was actually talking face-to-face with Asher. — But I just want you to know that I don't care if you're dating a boy or a girl. As long as you're happy, I'm happy, son.

— Thanks, Mom... — He smiled from ear to ear, even though he understood this was said too late.

— I know a lot of things that happened during your teen years and neither I nor your father could handle what was going on inside your head... But now I understand that... A lot of things that we did were dishonest, and maybe, no, no, no doubt this was the reason you left home as soon as you did eighteen.

— Mom... This has already happened. It's okay now. — He took a deep breath, trying to repress his tears. — And it's very precious to hear this now... Even now, it's still important. — He smiled. — I just... I promise I'll visit you soon and we can talk more about what happened in all the years I've been away.

— I know... — She sighed. — Well, darling, I'll arrange dinner for me and Vicky now... So please call me more often, if only to talk for two minutes. I miss your voice, son.

— I miss yours too, Mom.

— Bye, honey. — She smiled one last time before she hung up the video call.

— Bye... — He said, even though he knew she wasn't listening to him anymore.

He didn't want to let all that commotion cover him again, because he knew that every time he talked to his mother about these matters, it would come to this, however, he saw that he couldn't when he felt the tear running down his cheek. He could not deny that he didn't miss the neighborhood where he used to live, the house as it used to be, but he also knew that it couldn't go backward and now, more than ever, he needed to move on with his life, and if he could, he would give his mother a new home.

She had been the figure in his teen years and childhood who was more involved since he did not have so many memories of his father because it was rare to find him at home. At the time, his mother said that he was working, but then, on his sixteenth birthday, he discovered that his father could never keep a steady job and that the hours he stayed away were to consume the family's money drinking in bars and brothels. So, because of this, it was his mother who actually brought money home, even if it was scarce since she had to take care of Asher and his younger brother, who passed away when the boy was still a child because of an illness. His mother's job was actually to sell sweets she made and knitted clothes, since that's what was she thought were good, and, well, that's what kept them alive for so long.

He felt that now that he was in a job that was keeping him relatively well financially, he had to match all the effort that his mother had to put in to make him have a moderately good life. After turning off his computer, he only got up and peeked out of his room when he heard the noise from the front door cover the apartment that lay there in silence. He knew it was Adryan, so he just walked through the living room looking for him, and only then finding him on the balcony, looking at the stunning buildings while it was possible to see that he was smoking.

— Why come so quietly? I thought you were a thief.

— I'm sorry. — Laughed, letting the smoke out of his mouth. — I thought I might have fun in a new club around, but I was wrong.

— Why did you think that? — So he went next to him.

— Well, that's a plus of not showing your face in broadcasts. People don't recognize you. — He sighed, offering up his cigarette to Asher, who accepted it. — But people recognize me sometimes and it's odd that strangers know what your body is like even covered in clothes, you know?

— I wish I could say that I understand. — He sighed, returning the cigarette. — But isn't that exactly the premise of broadcasts? To make strangers watch us?

— Yes, it is. But in the virtual world. — He shrugged. — Not in _this_ world... — So Asher looked at him. — You're lucky you've never been through the experience of being in a bar or a club, and someone merely demands that you take off your pants or ask to appear on the broadcasts while you fuck them. You know, it's fun on the Internet, having to do lots of things so you can pay your rent at the end of the month, do things you thought you'd never do, but in real life, you go back to being... _You_. And people get totally lost in that and think you're just a fucked-up Internet prick who likes to be touched by strangers in real life too.

— I'm sorry. — He stared at him, seeing that even if he was looking at Asher equally, his gaze was far away. — I thought you'd gotten used to this kind of thing by now because you've been at it longer than I have.

— You never get used to it, that's the truth.

So he walked away from the young man, going back inside the apartment and telling him that he would go to his room to rest, even if it was only nine o'clock at night. Asher just stood on the balcony, analyzing the luminosities of the shops and the poles lighting up that night, wondering what the people who were passing by the street might be yearning for. Did they know him? Did they know about this underworld of the Internet? Did they even give a damn what people like Adryan and himself were going through? Before he could think and answer for every person he saw crossing the street, he knew that all answers would be 'no.'

Nobody on the Internet really cares about anything. People on the Internet only care about themselves, and some don't even try to disguise it, while others support causes they believe will benefit them, spread brands they know will be there in the future to promote them in the same way. In the end, the Internet is based on self-centered and insensitive people that try to hide it behind a different name, a photo of an artist who they like, or their favourite drawing, these people, who try to expose their flawless lives on social networks and then regret it when nobody believes they have problems either.

Yet they remain human under all the false charm they create.


	4. River

_Chapter Three_

* * *

**[''We're products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.']**

**－ Don't forget to vote and comment －**

**．．．**

_New York, February 19, 2020._

Asher was standing in front of the computer, just staring at the "google" icon that was in front of him, not knowing exactly what to search or what to do. It was nighttime. Adryan was not at home, so it was a good time for a broadcast that he could do what he wanted, but he wasn't in the mood for it.

He sighed, then slowly and unwillingly typed ''Facebook''. He knew he shouldn't keep this habit, which he might even call sick, but it was almost as if it was something involuntary of his body. He'd like to see how River Garcia was doing. He could give the excuse that he was an old boyfriend, but they were never more than 'just friends', if they _were_ friends at any time in high school, since their lives have always been like a Mexican novella.

River had been a complex case from the first moment he saw him. He could consider himself very good at sports, although he didn't practice it anymore at his current age, however, during high school he was very good at soccer and that's why he got along well with the other kids. And, River had always caught his attention, because, during sports classes, he always sat in the bleachers, just watching the others.

He had only approached him when he had broken his foot and could no longer practice PE for a long time, and had discovered that he didn't practice it because had asthma and constant crises. Even if they could have started a friendship at this time, still being between twelve and thirteen years old, they didn't do it for lack of will, since they only talked during this time.

They only approached each other again at the age of sixteen, when they began to attend parties, although River was always accompanied by his girlfriend. Asher, who knows because of the constant domestic problems, or just because he fell in with the style of a 'delinquent', became involved in quite conflicting actions from his fifteen years of age onwards, being seen by the school as a lost cause, since he always got into trouble for something. The only thing that saved him was the fact that he was talented.

River was a complete opposite, precisely because his family was very active in the city, and almost all over the country. That boy was always organized with his schedules, taking part in all the admissible clubs to always be the best in everything possible, although in the moments that he and Asher talked he revealed that he didn't like all that pressure that was attributed to him and that sometimes would only love to swap bodies with the boy so that he could be free for a single day.

He missed the conversations they both had in the bleachers when his foot was broken, and eventually, at the parties they met casually. And maybe this was the reason to check his Facebook at least once during the day, fearing something would happen to him and not knowing. He also felt responsible for the fact that it was the reason for nicknames that came up about him, making him stay for a while, quite down.

But now he knew that it no longer affected him, and that probably, or almost certainly, that man no longer remembered his existence. Today he was married for almost six years to a woman named Lace, who was always well-dressed. Looking at his photographs, which were public for his luck, he also discovered that he had a daughter about seven years old, making him ponder that he had her before he married and that perhaps it was not with that woman whose he was with him.

He had already tried to see his wife's account, however, the posts could only be seen if he was a friend of hers, and it would not come to this point to see how the life of that man was, who was now in his twenty-eight years of age. When discouragement was beginning to cover his room by staring at his smile in the pictures with his wife — and few with his daughter — he only closed his Facebook before feeling even more disappointed that he was no longer around.

He knew that it was stupid the kind of compassion he had for that man, it was a kind of enthusiasm for the commitment he always put into everything he did, as if he was always on the verge of some collapse, even when he was thirteen. And even after having to leave River because of his father and the trouble that submerged them, he still retained this enthusiasm for him, which only increased when he followed — from a distance — his success.

His eyes then met with the mask that was on the table, and, as if intentional, a message rose to his timeline, _''I'll pay as much as you want if you excite my evening,''_ he said, and could not deny that a smile had not appeared on his face when he finished reading. But he couldn't lie either by saying that he wanted to be a show-off tonight, yet perhaps it was a way out of his depressing state.

R-Tay: [And what do you want me to do? I'll take anything >;)]

_(11:39pm)._

Stranger: [As I said, just excite my evening, R-Tay.]

_(11:40pm)._

R-Tay: [Right... I like challenges. Tell me at least if I have any restrictions.]

_(11:40pm)._

Stranger: [No... Surprise me! Let's see if you're as good as everyone says.]

_(11:41pm)._

Asher sighed, soon putting on the mask quickly and wondering what he would do to excite that person. Soon, both cameras were on and they could see each other flawlessly. It was a man, who at first was not showing his face; his camera was arranged in a way that could only be seen from his collarbone down to his hips.

— Do you want to be anonymous? — He smirked at the screen. — It's not a problem for me, but I'd like to see your face.

— It's all up to you. — Even if he couldn't see his face, he felt like he'd smiled.

— You like games, don't you? — He leaned back in his chair, gently biting his lower lip.

— I like a lot of things.

— You don't seem as young as the others who call me in the middle of the night. — Teased. — That is an advance. — He shrugged. — You've surprised me so far.

— Then change it. I've been told about you, they say you're good at what you do. — A smile came upon Asher's face. — But they also say you don't _only_ do video sex. — Asher bowed one of his eyebrows, though he couldn't see it completely.

— Do you want to talk? — He approached the computer, adapting his mask to see that it was bent. — Some people call me to talk to. They're lonely and they think I can help.

— I'm not lonely.

— Well, the fact that you're calling me almost midnight on a Wednesday tells me the opposite. — He grinned, hearing him contain a laugh. — Sometimes it's nice to talk to a stranger. I say it because I know what is like. I don't mind talking to you, but first... You'll have to show me your face.

The man just shrugged his shoulders, straightening the camera and moving it up, enough for his face to be seen by Asher, who widened his eyes at the same moment. He knew that face perfectly. Those curly, light-colored, almost blond hair, the eyes were hazel-colored, these being rounded, that matched impeccably with his face, as thin as it was, the apples of his cheeks being a bit marked. The nose aligned and the mouth with the lower lip a little larger than the upper lip, not counting a birthmark that resembled a scar on his right eyebrow.

— Excuse me, uh... But, uh... But I can't. — He was unable to speak, and he didn't even wait for the man to answer him, since he only hung up the video call and removed his mask, passing his hand across his face.

 _"He's married, he's married,"_ he began to resound to himself in a loud voice, beginning an anxious step from side to side in his room almost marching in circles. He looked at his computer screen after a few minutes of internal freaking out, noticing that the man had sent him some messages, however, he was too nervous to read these, so he just closed all the tabs and took a deep breath.

— He doesn't even like men. — He started repeating something else, thinking that if someone entered his room now, they might consider him a maniac. — He only stayed with me because we were drunk. Think Asher. _Think_ , Asher. Give him a good excuse. "Somebody's just arrived on time!" No, that's very childish. I'm almost 30, what's he gonna think if I say I didn't made sure someone was home or not? Ah! Shit!

He threw himself into his bed, looking up at the ceiling while whispering indistinguishable words, due to having put his hand in his mouth.

— Okay, uh... If I'd never seen his fucking facebook again, maybe I wouldn't be like this, maybe I wouldn't even know him. — He sighed. — Oh, shit. What's he gonna think of me? — He stood up, looking at the wallpaper of his computer, just like the Windows pattern, like he was calling him to answer it. — Okay, Asher, you look like a girl when first see the idol. Breathe. Control yourself. — He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. — Okay... I'm never gonna see his Facebook again. That's it. That's it.

．．．

Asher was in his studio, sorting out the reference books, when suddenly Jaehyun opened the door, indicating that there was a new customer. The young man ordered the person to enter and Asher thought that the Universe was laughing at him at that moment when he saw that it was River who was breaking through his door at that moment, going towards him and reaching out his hand, like the courteous man he is, to greet him _. "Good morning,"_ he said, with a somewhat frowned forehead when he realized that he had not recognized him while trying not to be bitter about it, since it was evident that he would not remember a high school friendship of at least ten years.

— So... What do you have in mind?

— Ah! Yes. First of all, my name's River, I don't want to sound rude. — He smiled at him, his teeth being perfect. — It's a long story. — Laughed. — But basically... I need you to do a small tattoo.

— Well, that's what I do, right? — He shrugged, with a silly smile on his face. — Here. You can pick and choose. — So he gave him the book, but the man gave it up. — Did you get something on your mind already? — He saw him nod. — Ah! Great.

The man picked up his cell phone quickly, allowing Asher for a mere moment to see the photo that was on the blocking screen. He then unlocked it slightly and looked for a picture in his gallery, then showing it to Asher, so that he could see that it was a Latin phrase, making him frown. _"I know it's kind of weird,"_ said the man, running his hand across the back of his neck.

— I didn't say anything. — He shrugged.

— But I know it is. — Laughed. — I lost a bet at work. — He said a little shy. — As I said, it's a long story, but, unfortunately, I'm a man of honor, and I've learned from colleagues who've come here that you're very good... And kind. So, if it's to get a tattoo of a bet, at least it'll be done by someone who knows. — He smiled.

— Where will you do it?

— On my back. I don't want it to show up so much. — He shrugged, watching him nod. — I don't enjoy tattoos that much, this will be my first... I can do it now or...

— Yeah, you came early, so there's not a lot of customers. — He smiled. — You can take off your shirt and sit there. — He pointed to a chair. — I have some tattoo designs written here... You can see another phrase or something. — He took another book and fingered until he found the page he was talking about, then handed the book to the man.

River smiled in appreciation and passed his eyes over the writing, then smiling as he spotted one that wasn't as embarrassing as one his friend sent him, then looking back and watching Asher pick up a few things. _"All right, fifty bucks for you? It will take about half an hour,"_ the man consented, then showing him the phrase. _"Amor vincit omnia,"_ Asher said as soon as he picked up the book, knowing that he was not pronouncing it correctly and taking a soft laugh from River, who partially removed his T-shirt. The young man then approached and asked what part the tattoo would be, soon feeling the man take his hand and put it on his scapula.

Asher took a deep breath and disinfected the area and put on his gloves, seeing that the man seemed somewhat reluctant when saw him take the decal and compress over his skin. _''What kind of a bet is that?''_ , he then asked, wanting to start a conversation before started to pass the paint.

— It was at a company year-end party. I was drunk and ended up making bets I knew I couldn't win. I was never good at sports, really, and I couldn't play them. — Asher knew that, but he didn't say anything, he just consented. — During my childhood and adolescence, I had terrible asthma attacks that kept me from it.

— Do you still have it? — There seemed to be a concern in his tone.

— They decreased drastically. I still have them, but usually when I'm very anxious or worried. — He shrugged. — I made something up at that party, and since I'm here, I certainly missed it.

— You should have challenged them with trigonometric equations. You'd probably beat them. — So he took the decal off, looking at the sentence that remained.

— How do you know I'm good at trigonometry? This is quite... Particular.

— Uh... — He looked away, mentally insulting himself for saying that. — You said it was a company party, and it sounds smart, so I just assumed. All smart people know trigonometric equations.

River didn't say anything else, he just agreed, looking a little hesitant. Asher just started injecting the ink through the needle, making him grumble when he first felt the discomfort, causing a smile to appear on the young man's face. As he passed the ink through the lettering, he remembered the time of his high school, the moment that he saw him equally without his T-shirt, and led him to his room. He only sighed, after all, now he was a married man and even had a daughter, he could not get into this situation again, but even so, another part of him said to answer in case he sent him something else in that chat.

— You remind me of someone. — So he said. — A boy I knew in high school. — Asher smiled, even though he couldn't see it when he realized he hadn't forgotten him. — Asher Taylor.

— Yeah, it's me. — He said, even though he was distracted. — I thought it was gonna take you a little longer to figure this out, River Garcia.

— I was suspicious when you said about the trig. It was too specific for any tattooist to deduce. — He smirked. — I'll let you finish the tattoo, I don't want to deconcentrate you... But then I'd like to talk.

．．．

After the tattoo was done, Asher made the curative and advised that it should be changed regularly, for at least two days. He then removed his gloves and allowed him to put his shirt back on, and he did so, getting up immediately and waiting for him to put his things away so that could come towards him. _"My God! It's been ten years since I've seen you,''_ then he said, smiling at him, that only returned the smile, somewhat ashamed.

— You look great. — Asher teased.

— So do you. — River smiled. — You've changed a lot. — The young man bowed his eyebrow. — I-I don't mean for the worst! It's just that in the old days you used to have more piercings on the nose and eyebrows, right? And you're insane to walk around with nothing on! It's in winter.

— I have a jacket. — He pointed to a chair. — Well... The company you're working for is your father's, right?

— Yes. Yes, it is. — He shrugged. — He still hates me. — Laughed, realizing that Asher only looked at the floor. — It wasn't your fault, you know that. It's been ten years, we were just teenagers starting to find out themselves and it went wrong. This is in the past now, isn't it? — Asher nodded.

— And you found yourself? — He wishes he had some answer to why he came after him last night.

— Well, I'm married to an incredible woman, and I have an amazing daughter. — He smiles. — And you?

— I'm single. I don't think I'm capable of keeping something serious going. — He didn't mean that he always got involved with people who were committed without knowing it. — I don't think I've changed much about that, but you... Congratulations, you seem satisfied, don't you?

— Yeah... No doubt about it. I think I have everything anyone could want. — He sounded unhappy while he was talking. — Well, $50, huh? Oh, besides that... I'd like to invite you over for coffee sometime, I'd like to know what happened after we split up, because you look so good. — He took a paper in his jacket pocket, then handed it to Asher, seeing that it was his number. — When you're available, you can call me.

— You look busier than I do.

— I'll figure it out when you text me. — He blinked, then approached the door. — I'll pay with him, right? — Asher consented. — Well, it was nice seeing you again, Asher. I hope we can meet more often. I miss our talks.

The young man just nodded, watching him leave, and then going to Jaehyun to pay. As soon as the door closed, he could see the phone number more closely, celebrating with foolish jumps as he claimed that he remembered him and that was willing to talk more often. He just took his phone from the table and soon added the number, but before he could send a message to confirm it, the reminder that he was married only hit him as if it was a gunshot.

— _Oh, shit_. — He said as soon as he realized the damn butterflies in his stomach were coming back.


	5. Broadcast

_Chapter Four_

* * *

**[''You're a bad idea, but the worst part is I love bad ideas.'']**

**－ Don't forget to vote and comment －**

．．．

_New York, February 20, 2020._

On the night of that same day, River was returning from his work to his apartment. In slow steps, he led himself to the elevator and pressed on number seven, then staring at himself in the mirror, thinking he should go back to sleep sooner since his dark circles were quite apparent.

As soon as the elevator reached his floor, he just took a deep breath and put a smile on his face as soon as he turned the key in the lock, opening the white door with care. Even before putting his foot inside the apartment, his daughter, Emma, ran towards him, hugging him. _"Hi, my princess",_ he smiled at the little girl, leaving the suitcase on the floor and picking her up in his lap, laughing with happiness.

— How was your day? — He asked, holding her on his lap as he leaned her in one of his arms and took the suitcase with his other hand, closing the door with his body and walking to the living room.

— It was cool... — Her voice was low for a child of her age who was always screaming for any situation, so he could consider his daughter a very quiet child. — When are you having dinner with us? Mommy says you've been very busy... — When River was thinking of answering, his wife, Lace, came into the living room.

She wore dark pants and a white sweater, which had some geometric designs, her pants being covered by a long boot, which reached up to her knee, indicating that she had recently left, probably to pick up her daughter at school, River concluded, then gently leaving the little girl on the floor again and approaching his wife to welcome her with a soft kiss on her lips.

— Yeah, I told Emma you've been pretty busy... But you can find spare time so we can have dinner together again, right? After that promotion at the end of the year, everything got complicated...

— I'll figure it out. — He smiled at her. — Don't worry, love.

— I love you. — She returned the kiss and then walked away, heading for the kitchen. — Well, are you hungry? There's some shrimp kettle if you like.

— Ah! No... I ended up having a quick cup of coffee with Lincoln before I came here, sorry. — Lace just put a weak smile on her face, then went back to the living room and sat on the couch, Emma also went there, lying on her legs.

Soon he took his suitcase up to his room and took off his coat, keeping it on the hanger in his wardrobe. He sighed when he heard that Lace had told Emma it was time for her to go to bed since it was not the time for a child to be awake, then heard the little girl's hasty steps to his room, soon opening the door in a brief act, giving him a goodnight hug and asking that he kiss her on the forehead for good luck. _"Will you wake me up tomorrow morning, Daddy?"_ she asked him, making him nod with a smile, then watching her run to her room and calling Lace to tell some story that would put her to sleep.

While this was happening, he just grabbed his pajamas from the wardrobe and headed for the bathroom, which, luckily, was connected to his room. He sighed as he took off piece by piece, feeling the tiredness trapped under his tense muscles. The harsh winter didn't help his tiredness either, not to mention that he knew he was one of the best at his job so that his father's company would continue to progress and not stop in time, although he never gave him the credit he deserved.

Soon he felt the drops of warm water involving his body, making him just close his eyes as a silly smile appeared on his face as he thought how insane Asher was to be on a regatta in the middle of winter, although it wasn't so cold there because of the air conditioning. His eyes opened quickly when he felt cold hands exploring his back.

He turned his face so that he could see the figure of his wife staring at him with a malicious smile on her face. Her black hair resting on her shoulders and quickly getting wet and hanging over her delicate face, with naturally pink lips and narrow eyes that always gave her a serious expression, although River knew it softened every time she put a smile on her face.

— How long has it been since we had a bath together? — Her voice came out like a whisper, making him just compress his lips. — Emma's already asleep, you don't have to look at me with this face.

River just turned completely to her, passing his wet hands over her face, intending to remove the strands of hair that were on her _. "What? Wasn't it a good surprise...?'',_ she asked, expression closing in and becoming serious again, just making him sigh.

— No, it's not _that_.

— I know that everything we've done has decreased a lot since Emma was born, but please... We deserve a little fun, don't we? I hardly see you at home anymore, River, sometimes it feels like we're strangers inside our own home. — The woman passed her hands around his neck, bringing his bodies closer together and making him stare directly into her dark eyes, which he remembered to have compared them to the universe when they met.

— I'm tired...

— This is the excuse you've been giving me for almost a month now. — She sighed, then pulled herself away and covered her breasts in a defensive pose, with both arms around her body, passing through her neck, as if her muscles were also tense. — Is it my body...?

Lace began to feel quite insecure after her body had not returned to what it was after Emma's birth. And even though River had told her several times that he thought she was even more beautiful with her current body, it still didn't seem to convince her that it was enough for him, which often left him with nothing to say or do.

— No, of course, it's not your body, dear.

— Then what is my God? — His eyes widened as soon as he saw tears mingled with the drops of water that were also passing through her face, so he just turned off the shower and saw her hide her face with her hands. — We were so in love with each other, but suddenly this fire we had was getting cold, and now it seems you don't get a hard-on for me anymore. This all started when Lincoln assumed he was gay two years ago. Did that remind you of your high school adventures? Or, I don't know, made you realize something else... I don't know!

— I don't... It' s got nothing to do with him, please, don't cry... — He frowned at her, realizing it had become another one of those moments he didn't know what to do. — It's not your fault, you're still the perfect woman I knew over eight years ago.

— I just want you to tell me what's going on... I have no problem if you're gay, River you can tell me. Before we were dating, we were best friends, so you can tell me... I just don't want to be a fake wife, who you can kiss, hug, and then hang out with your friends while I wait for you at home. That's _not_ the life I want, and it's affecting Emma too. You already have problems with your father, you don't want your daughter to have the same thing in mind as you, do you?

— I'm not gay, Lace.

— Then what is it? Asexual? Just tell me why you're not attracted to me anymore... I'm afraid you' re looking for satisfaction in other people when you're not around me. — River stood still. — I don't want you to stay with me if you don't feel anything for me anymore, that's for your own good too... I'm thinking of you too, sometimes it feels like it's a sacrifice just to kiss me like I'm a disgusting being in your eyes.

River didn't know how to come up with a convincing answer for his wife, and all he could do was apologize and promise that he would try to get better, saying again that it was just the tiredness his work was causing him, even though Lace didn't believe it.

．．．

A few hours later, they were both equally lying in bed. Lace was on her cell phone, talking to a friend about a party that would take place an in a month, and she was so excited to go that she was inviting everyone she could imagine, because it was a masquerade ball that would be done by some people from the elite, these being some partners of River's father's company.

When the man of impetus got up, the woman only took her cell phone to the covers, asking him where he was going, and only receiving the answer that he was going to the office since he had remembered that he had a job to write until tomorrow. Lace just sighed and wished him good luck so that he could finish by morning, soon, turning her attention to her cell phone as if it were her refuge from collapsing.

The man only left the room, then closing the door again and passing by his daughter's bedroom before going to the office. He remembered what she had said about setting a bad example for Emma, which only made him enter the girl's room, knowing that she had a deep sleep.

Even though it was dark, it was possible to see the drawings she drew all over the room, almost all of which included River. But one, in particular, caught his attention, making him approach and gently pick it up so that he could see better. Emma had portrayed in that drawing what looked like spying on her mother crying on a sofa.

His expression closed when he saw it, soon putting the drawing back in place and leaving her room, leaning the door. He knew he wasn't being the best husband, especially not in the last few months, and he also knew that nothing he said to her would take away Lace's reasoning. He didn't feel horny for her anymore, in fact, he _was_ setting a bad example for his daughter and feared that she wouldn't feel proud of him and that when she grew up and understood the situation she was in, she would start to feel disgusted.

He did not want to leave Lace as a fake wife, the one who is always waiting for him for dinner, and who always answers her that he has already had dinner somewhere else. He knew he needed to change and was willing to do so, although every time he remembered the experience he had had with Asher ten years ago, it took him off the rails. And he knew it would only get worse if he kept in touch with him, especially if his father found out that they were talking again, but it was something he simply couldn't help. Even after ten years, he never stopped going through his mind either.

When he sat down in front of his computer, he only took a deep breath, understanding that what he was doing was wrong in many ways. That boy had turned it off before, why should it be any different now? However, when he opened that website and saw the messages exchanged, his heart just raced, making him deny himself what he was feeling. _"I'm not gay,"_ he repeated to himself, yet he still started writing another message to that boy.

However, as he was about to send it, he realized that he was broadcasting, making a smile involuntarily appear on his face. He discovered his broadcasts more than a month ago when his colleague mentioned him about the one called "R-Tay", but the way he had spoken, he was not advising him to research him, only wanted to comment on the man who had seen him a few times.

But that same day, when he arrived home, he only researched that boy and watched one of his broadcasts, feeling ashamed to see that he had gotten turned on by him. He wanted to give the excuse that some trait in him was feminine, or that he dressed this way like others he had already researched, but he did not seem to like this kind of thing, and his broadcasts were also famous among some women.

He still seemed to be fixing some things when he entered the broadcast, although it was already possible to see people saying what they would like to see. R-Tay wore a mask that made only his mouth and barely his eyes visible, and maybe that was what made his broadcast more exciting: the fact that they didn't know what he looked like behind that mask.

He knew that some parts of his broadcasts ended up being posted on other pornographic sites, such as PornHub, because they contained some kind of specific fetish, or just because someone wanted to post. But R-Tay didn't seem to care so much about this, as it only increased his fame.

When the young man sat in his chair, he thought it was the right moment and only decided to send him a message again, he had done so because he wanted to see his reaction live. The whole chat began to wonder who had sent that message, as R-Tay stood still for a few moments.

Sexy231: [Y does he doesnt fucc anyone live? I'd pay to see!]

YOURMOM2: [That already happened! It's a broadcast from last year.]

Bitch2431: [Was it the same person who texted him to stay like this? thats got 2 b it. I gonna write fanfics!]

The chat was upside down from so much craziness they were typing, and meanwhile, R- Tay just responded to River's new message request, apologizing for last night and saying that if he wanted to, he was willing to continue the conversation.

— I'm going to a private broadcast. — Then he smirked, leaning back in his chair, and showing River and everyone who was watching his body partially. — I'll be back later. — He blinked at them.

Domini3c: [HE'S FUCKIN HARD!!]

Bitch2431: [We won't see him 2day:(]

— Like I said, I'll come back later. — He teased.

Soon, a screen was shown to everyone saying that he would return soon and that while he was not there, it was possible to see his previous broadcasts. Within minutes, R-Tay and River's cameras were connected and both were seeing each other completely, this time without the mystery of the boy's face.

— The chat is quite wild. — Smiled.

— It gets worse on weekends. — He laughed. — So, _Stranger_... Are you up for just one chat? You seem a little nervous.

— Do I? — He arched one of his eyebrows. — I'm sorry. — He put his hand behind his neck, making R-Tay stare at him more closely as if he wanted to pay attention to every detail of him.

— What attracted you in me so much as to call me in private? — His voice always seemed to be able to chill him out with the slightest of words, and it was just that, as soon as the young man also moved his hand under the table, which became impossible for River to see what was going on, so he just assumed. — There must be something, eh?

— Would it be bad to say that you remind me of someone? — R-Tay seemed more than happy with that answer, in fact, he even tried to contain his euphoria. — And well, you're pretty hot.

Those words seemed to come out ripping through his throat, but as soon as he said them, it was as if a relief bath had invaded his whole body as if that's what he needed to have said _. "You don't seem to do this a lot,"_ he said, staring straight at the camera, and even if his gaze was partially covered by the mask, it was still possible to see his half-closed eyes, as if River was a prey he had to hunt.

— I don't quite know what I like or not, so... — He leaned back in his chair. — You're being a test for me.

— A _test_?

— Yeah. To know what I like, maybe to see _if_ I really like it. — He smiled, looking ashamed.

— And how are the results so far, Stranger? — He smiled provocatively.

— Depends on who sees them, they can be desperate. — Laughed. — But to your side, they're good.

— I'm glad. — So he moved his chair a little. — Why don't we go beyond the conversation? I can feel you're looking forward to this, too.

R-Tay was very observant, but even so, all you had to do was look at his chest and his mouth half-open and you could tell that his heartbeat was racing and his breathing was pierced just because he was talking to that boy. River pushed his chair back a little so that the boy could see him more broadly.

For some reason, being in that slightly embarrassing situation for a man like him, that didn't want to admit in any way that he was gay — maybe because of his past and his father — he was there, in front of a boy who was making pornographic broadcasts and who was turned on by the volume that was apparent in his jeans, he felt as if he was revisiting memories as if that boy conveyed some familiarity to him.

When they both realized it, they were pulling down their pants as well as their underwear, staring at each other in a silence that lasted only a few seconds, although it seemed like an eternity. _"If I say you're familiar to me too, would it be odd?"_ he seemed hesitant about the question, yet when he saw the man denying with his head, he sighed with relief.

R-Tay held his dick in his hands and made a brief movement on it, almost without compromise, almost involuntarily, and as if waiting for some kind of permission, River did the same, his cheeks already blushing, but not for the excitement, but for the shame he was feeling of doing such a thing.

— I was looking forward to this. — River said, as if, despite his shame, that boy awakened his other side as he stroked his dick harder. — When I saw your broadcasts, I wondered what your reactions would be if I was there with you.

— I wish you were. — R-Tay sounded honest when he said that, a little panting, as did River, who only responded with a sigh, moving one hand to grab the base of his dick, squeezing gently, and moving the other to slide his thumb over the tip with a little moan.

— Perhaps I would stand between your legs. — He continued, after a few movements, pulling an expression of surprise from the boy's face that he didn't think he could change his personality so quickly. — I thought about this a lot, even though I knew it was wrong. I thought about what it would be like to have you in my mouth, what your taste would be, what kind of sounds you would make... By your style, you'd probably pull my hair while I suck you off, wouldn't you?

R-Tay just put a smile on his face, like that's all he's been trying to hear for the last decade, though River couldn't see it. He didn't understand how those things came out of his mouth since he always considered himself a person who didn't speak these kinds of phrases, or at least who didn't speak them to any stranger on the Internet, but the thought of really knowing who was him turned him on.

— I was fucking hoping you could do this now. — He said in the middle of a moan.

— If I was there... — Said while panting, starting to pick up the pace of his movements, harder, faster. — I'd let you fuck me as hard as you can.

R-Tay felt a chill running down his spine, as his hips followed for a few seconds the movement of his hand as he heard what had come out of that man's mouth, who a few minutes ago was looking nervous, but knew that everyone just needed a push to release that wicked side. And River was simpler than he thought he would be.

— I'd like to be that boy from last year. — Even though it was a simple sentence, it sounded like he purred.

R-Tay was having a full view of River, and it was being so arousing to him, more arousing than any broadcast he'd ever made before, since he always looked forward to that moment. To be able to see him again in that state, knowing and confirming once again that he was one of the few who could leave him in that deplorable state.

— I'd fuck you so bad you wouldn't be able to think straight. — He gasped, and River couldn't contain a moan, being longer than he was planning to, causing R-Tay's moves to increase.

— That would be fucking hot... — R-Tay couldn't recognize him anymore, as he would never think that that man from last night would be able to say these kinds of things so naturally.

River moaned. His tense muscles were beginning to bother him by the way he was sitting, so he just changed his position a little, leaning his right leg over the table, while opening his left leg a little more. He was completely exposed to R-Tay, and by the hungry look he cast at him, as if he were a simple rabbit and he was a wolf, he could tell that he had enjoyed it. For some reason, he felt the need to surprise him, even though he was a stranger.

The man was so horny at that moment that his fingers were covered with his pre-cum. He knew that it was strange to be in that state, and a few hours ago he almost started an argument with his wife because he just did not want to be touched. But he knew that the problem wasn't her, the problem was that he couldn't imagine being touched by her anymore. And the daydream in his mind of being touched by that masked boy was what filled his fantasies and relieved his sleepless nights.

It wasn't the first time that this had happened, but it was the first time that the reason for his jerking off saw him do that, so when one of his fingers went right in, it didn't hurt like R-Tay thought it would.

 _" Fuck,"_ the boy groaned when he saw that vision, leaving his back slightly arched in the chair, he never looked like that when he was in a private broadcast since normally his arousal was not something he got for wanting that moment, it was just because the vision was pleasant. And on realizing this, River slid a second, third finger inside himself. He wanted to feel the filling within him, the burning sensation, his inner self responding to his fingers, but he knew that it was still not enough. R-Tay groaned, making the boy also stare at him, realizing that his eyes were glazed in him and how he moved his hand with eagerness.

— I, ah... I wish it was your dick instead of my fingers. — He moaned, wanting to provoke him, although it was his wish, and the only thing going on in his head at the moment.

He would like to hear R-Tay moaning for his name, but, he knew this was too much and seeing him so glazed up in himself was enough to excite his evening, even though the thought that at that moment his wife was probably trying to cheer herself up by looking for gala clothes for both of them hurt his heart, yet it wasn't enough to stop him.

He knew it was beyond what he thought was right, but he was feeling so good that he didn't care about any of it anymore. R-Tay grumbled, moving his hands quickly, wondering what it would be like if River said his real name, or, more promptly, if he _groaned_ his name. Both movements were as if they were on the automatic and were coming to the moment that they couldn't say anything, and the only thing that came out of their mouths were cursing or moaning, whether they were low or high.

— Would you... Would you like to be ass-fucked hard? — He asked while moaning.

— Yes! — He answered him immediately, almost unconsciously, surprising him with such a desire that he had spoken.

R-Tay closed his eyes for a moment, imagining the scene of River begging to be fucked by him, with his back arched, his head between his pillow as he fucked him and moaned his name, knowing _who_ he was.

— I'd fuck you so deep you'd have to bite your pillow to hold your fuckin' moans. — Then he continued, making River increase the movement of his fingers. — I'd fuck you so bad that you'd cum without even having to touch your dick... — R-Tay was close to his orgasm, and he knew from the sounds River was making, he was too.

— I want to ride on your dick, R-Tay. — River whined, thinking how pathetic it was to keep denying himself that he wasn't gay, and when he heard that, the young man only slowly opened his eyes, realizing that now both his legs were on the table, and his fingers were working fast, making his chair move a few times, but R-Tay didn't even care about that, because the vision he was having of him was divine. — I want to feel you inside of me... So deep, so... Fuck, no, I'm gonna...

— Go on, — He answered then, feeling his orgasm just seconds away from hitting him. — cum with me.

And that's what happened, R-Tay's head hung back a little bit as he blew into his stomach, panting, and River fucked himself with more intensity, pressing his fingers hard against his prostate, as he groaned for the last few times until he let himself be carried away by the orgasm, making his hands and his stomach dirty as well.

— Fuck. — Said R-Tay after a few moments, making River only raise his gaze in his direction, removing his fingers from inside. — That was pretty intense.

— Fuck, yeah. — He answered him with one last breath.

— I wouldn't mind doing this to you at other times. — He smiled at him, looking for something to clean himself up.

— Did you... _Would_ you?

— Only if you want to. — He winked at him.

— Of course, I want.

— But first... I need you to tell me what you want to be called, it's weird to call you Stranger.

— This is just between you and me, isn't it? — R-Tay nodded. — Then you can call me River. But... What about your broadcast?

— Oh. — He mumbled. — Oh, shit. Well, don't worry about it. — He shrugged.

River just laughed, then asked how they'd do it for other private broadcasts since this was the time he usually did his public broadcasts.

— When you' re available, you can call me.

— What about your broadcasts?

— I'll take care of them when you send me a message. — So he blinked.

Within seconds, R-Tay turned off his camera, making him stare at the screen for a few more moments and finally realize what he had just done.

— _Oh, shit_. — He grumbled when he realized he was feeling the same sensation as ten years ago when he was still with Asher.


	6. Stars

_Chapter Five_

* * *

**[''His voice in my ear. It did interesting things to me. It curved my back and parted my lips. I felt lazy and feline, and he wasn't even in the room.'']**

**－** **Don't forget to vote and comment** **－**

**．．．**

_New York, February 23, 2009._

Asher was looking for him with his eyes everywhere, but couldn't find him. He wanted to make sure there was still the possibility of a friendship after what had happened last night at that party. Maybe he didn't even want to look at his face, and he had every reason to, but he still had certain hopes.

When he found him walking down the hall, head down, as if he wanted to blend in with the rest of the students, Asher just rushed over and reached him, pulling him by the arm and watching him look back a bit scared. _"No,"_ that's all he said, letting go of the boy and continuing to walk, even if he knew he was behind him.

Asher took a deep breath and realized that everyone was too busy to even notice what they were doing, so when he reached him again he just held him up against the wall, hearing him mumble. _''Aren't we really going to talk about what happened?'',_ he then asked, seeing him taking a deep breath and looking sideways, then nodding, and taking his hand to take him to the gym, where there was nobody.

— There's _nothing_ to talk about.

— You brought me here just to tell me there's nothing to talk about, is that so? — He was incredulous. — I know it wasn't our best decision, but...

— I'm not gay, Asher. — His gaze seemed melancholy, and he avoided looking into the boy's brown eyes in front.

— You looked pretty gay to me yesterday. — He saw him roll his eyes and cross his arms.

— I was drunk. You know I'm not so tough to drink... And... — His eyes got lost on the floor, followed by a surprise expression. — You enjoyed that, didn't you? — Then he approached him, pointing his finger in his face and seeing him truly confused.

— I was as drunk as you were, how was I supposed to enjoy it? — He put his finger down. — And it's a lack of respect to point the finger in people's faces.

— Fuck you. — He stepped back a little, running his hands through his wavy, though short hair and sighed. — No one can know. It's serious. It was... It was nothing. If my dad finds out about any of this, I'm screwed! And... And so are you. — He saw him agree. — I'm dead serious, Asher.

— And I'm seriously agreeing. — He smirked. — Look, um, nobody's gonna know about this. There's no reason for me to tell anyone else about this. After all, who would like to know that I, the lost school case, actually fucked River Garcia, the perfect dude, right? — Saw him take a deep breath and leave the gym angry. — Hey, shit, wait!

Asher went after him again, holding him before he walked into the school and one of the classrooms. _"I'm not gonna say anything,"_ he said, looking straight into his eyes, seeing him just nodding with a serious expression and then letting go of himself, walking into the hallways with heavy steps.

The boy just stood still for a few seconds, and then he went into the corridors as well. When he was far enough away, two people left the gym, who were using him to hide too. Both looked at each other not believing what they had just heard, thinking about how they should talk to their friends as soon as possible.

．．．

When he arrived at his house, probably two hours later than expected, he found his father sitting on the couch watching the news, which talked about a missing boy in a small town in Europe. _"You took so long, Ash,"_ he said then, making him look back before entering his room.

— I went over to a friend's house. — He said; in some ways, it wasn't a lie. — For a project. — Now it was a lie.

— Where's your mother?

— I, uh... I don't know, Pa. I just got here. — He stared at him, realizing he couldn't take his eyes off the TV while he was talking, just making him reach up and put on the mute, standing in front of him, then finally getting the look of his father. — Did you stay there all day?

— I'm waiting for Joshua. He'd like to watch TV with me.

— Ah... Of course. — He took a deep breath, giving him the remote again and going to his room.

His father had never been an example to him, but at least before his younger brother's death, he was trying to at least look responsible. Now, most of the time, he was sitting on that couch, wearing a stained T-shirt and pajama pants while watching TV or drinking beer. His mother sometimes went out with some friends to chill out and not lose her mind when she spent the morning and afternoon with his father.

His brother's death affected him in a way he could barely describe, sometimes confusing himself in their names by calling him Joshua, and sometimes believing he was alive and would soon return from school, but of course, none of the options were real. It hurt Asher as much as his mother, who tried their best to help him, but he didn't seem to want to be helped. Perhaps he had only resigned himself to this way of life, and his thoughts were only one way that his mind could take the blame for his own son's death.

He closed the door to his room and threw his bag on top of his bed, then threw himself into it as well. He took a deep breath, passing his hand across his face and looking up to the ceiling, realizing that there was still the doodle of what used to be his brother's favorite constellation. He loved looking at the stars, it was his greatest hobby, and his only one when he got sick.

Sometimes he tried to look strong behind all this disguise he had created, but deep down Joshua's death had also affected him too much, after all, it was in his lap that he took his last breath. He remembered that scene every day.

．．．

_7 years ago._

Asher was lying on his brother's bed, doing a light stroking in his brown hair, which was now long enough to stand in front of his face. Near his bed, there was a window where it became possible to see the stars, and they used to stay there for hours, just looking at the constellations and trying to guess them.

— Hey... Hey, bro... — His voice was getting lower and lower as the days went by like it was a big effort just to talk. — We could go outside... Hmm?

— But... Josh, it's cold out there. — He stared at him, watching him just agreeing melancholy, squeezing his body, and coughing. — You got a fever. — Asher went on, putting his hand on his forehead, which was on fire.

— Please... — He smiled at his brother. — It's just gonna be one time...

— Two minutes, okay?

— Thank you, uh...

Asher wrapped him in the blanket and managed to pick him up, even though he was ten and Joshua was seven, he had lost a lot of weight and was relatively weightless for a child his age. Since his parents were probably already asleep, he didn't worry about them asking what he was doing.

He opened the door to his room and then walked out the back door, causing Joshua began to cough, but as soon as he looked at him, it was as if his gaze said everything was fine. They both smiled and Asher sat down on the grass, letting Joshua stand next to him.

— It's been a little while since I've been here... — He said with his voice a little weak like he wanted to cry. — Mommy and Daddy said they're gonna help me out... But I don't know if...

— They're gonna make it, Josh. — Asher smiled, watching his brother lay his head on his legs, almost instantly passing his hands through his hair.

— Look, um... It's Capricorn! — He got excited, pointing to the constellation in question. — And... There's Cancer!

— You nailed it. — He grinned, watching him cough again and squeeze back into the covers, putting his head back in his lap. — What's your favorite?

— The Big Dipper. — He said low. — It's... It's pretty.

— Yes, it is. — He smiled. — Josh... I just wanted to say you're gonna get out of this, okay? Daddy's trying to... And Mommy's trying really hard, too. Soon you'll be okay again.

Joshua didn't answer, but he felt him nod. He wasn't sure about the things he was saying. Most of it came out on automatic, just repeating the things his mother told him to calm him down. However, deep down there, he felt that his brother was dying and he was not able to escape that. He felt him weaker every day, and now he could barely eat.

— I just... I remember when we climbed that tree... — He pointed at a big old tree that was a few feet away. — You taught me how to climb.

— Yeah, I did. — Asher smiled as he remembered. — But you barely listened to what I was warning you.

— Yeah... I never listened. — He laughed, but then started coughing. — I just... — He leaned his hand on the floor when the cough was hurting his throat. — I, uh... I never listened...

— Shh... No... Don't talk too much. — Asher smiled, though his eyes were filled with tears ready to fall.

Joshua laid his head back on his legs and took a deep breath. Asher took his hand, stroking it, and feeling that he was smiling, even though he couldn't see clearly.

He looked at the stars for a few more moments, until he put his hands on his brother's back and said that they needed to go back inside before it cooled even more, but there was no answer. _"Hey, Joshua,"_ he smiled at him, touching his hand, but again there was no answer.

— _Joshua_...?

_．．．_

_11 years later._

Asher was sitting in front of the computer, looking at some old photos that had been sent by his mother. It was amazing how they always brought back the best and worst memories at once. On one side he saw his brother happy and healthy, smiling directly at the camera, and on the other side, he saw him in bed, barely able to move from so weak that he was.

He took a deep breath and then got up, looking at the wall that kept appearing in his broadcasts, it was a drawing of the Big Dipper on a black wall. He smiled and left his room, realizing that Adryan wasn't sitting on the couch or making any food, so it was a little strange since it wasn't his thing to stay up late.

So he decided to knock on his bedroom door, even though he knew he wouldn't broadcast during the mornings, anything coming from that room scared him a little. When he got no answer, he just opened it at once, understanding the reason. He was sleeping, but not alone, but with two women.

He looked away and just closed the door again, going towards the kitchen for a very strong coffee to make him forget it. There was a very simple rule: never question anything you see. And he faithfully followed it.

While he was waiting for the coffee to be made, he just leaned against one of the kitchen counters, looking straight at nothing. _"Hey,"_ Adryan's voice next to him suddenly made him jump up and look at him with his eyes wide open as if asking how he had approached and hadn't noticed or heard. _"Are ya fucking high?"_ he asked when he didn't say anything.

— No. — He mumbled. — How did you... How the fuck did you walk so fast? 

— I walked just fine. You're the one who was standing there looking at the floor like you were fucking stoned. — He shrugged. — Grab a cup. I'll drink it too, I need it.

— You think I'm your maid?

— Yes, now go. — He made a gesture to go at once, then put his hand on the head like he had a horrible headache.

— Take this fuckin' thing and stick it up to your ass. — Said as soon as he came back with two cups, putting one in front of Adryan.

He wanted to ask if those two women would just leave or stay for breakfast, which would be weird. But maybe he had looked at his bedroom door too long, as Adryan soon said they would leave as soon as they woke up, making him thank God he didn't have to ask directly.

— Two fucking women.

— I drank so bad that I don't even remember how the fuck they ended up here. — He shrugged, taking a nice sip of coffee as soon as he served himself. — But they're hot as fuck.

— Yeah, they are. — Asher smiled. — But... Didn't you have a thing with Harvey today? He texted me that you guys had stuff to do. Are you dating him?

— What? Jeez. — He laughed. — But...Yeah. The shorty called me to help him set up some stuff in his apartment since he's sort of a total loser.

— And you're still going.

— I don't like him, but his place is nice.

— Oh, yeah. — He stares at him directly, seeing him confused. — Maybe you're the one he wants to set up. — He laughed, walking away from Adryan, but not long enough to see him express disgust.

— I wouldn't fuck that little guy even if they gave me a thousand bucks. — He heard him from the kitchen. — But he's not really my thing.

— And what's your "thing"?

— I don't know, but I'm sure he's not.

Harvey was another Camboy, who looked a lot younger than he was, fitting the "Twink" category perfectly. He could be a little hard to live with, as well as Adryan, for not thinking about whether or not something that he talks about can hurt someone. But if you ignored all the clueless things he talked about or his scandalous way when he was drunk, he was a great friend.

He and Adryan had a kind of feud for a long time, as they fought each day for the broadcasts with more views. Whenever one won, he would brag until the moment the other one passed, and so it continued endlessly. But even though he hated Harvey, Adryan always helped him when he asked for something.

When he would get up to take the cup to the sink, his cell phone, which had been left on the living room table, vibrated. Too curious to put aside, he just picked up his phone and saw that it was a new Facebook message request, something he barely used these days, except to see River's profile.

His eyes widened when he saw who it was.

_"Remember me, Asher?_


	7. Meeting

_Chapter Six_

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**[''Don't forget: between hello and goodbye, there was love, so much love.'']**

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**－ Don't forget to vote and comment －**

_New York, March 2, 2020_

After almost two weeks of trying to arrange a day to meet, they finally succeeded, and Asher couldn't express why he was so excited to only meet him in a cafe after his work. Jaehyun was struggling to cope with his euphoria all morning and afternoon, worried about how he was or whether there was something on his face that would make him look less attractive, and even though his friend was straight, he had to give them tips on how to look appealing, even though he refused the idea of having to do this because he knew River was married.

After work was over and Asher was closing his establishment, Jaehyun only said that he would follow him to a certain point because he would also meet someone. _''Is this the right thing to do?'',_ he asked, the anxiety being evident in his tone. The boy liked to see how his friend worried about him, even when he didn't seem to learn even though he took several punches and suffered several threats because of it.

— I'm never sure of anything I do. — He grinned.

— You shouldn't brag about it. — He sighed. — But don't come crying to me when his wife finds out about it.

— It's okay. It's okay. — He smiled at him. — Bye.

So Jaehyun changed his direction, crossing the street, while Asher kept walking forward, only looking sideways in search of the name River sent him in the message. He knew that could not report to Jaehyun that the man was showing his body to him during his broadcasts, because he did not even know that he was a camboy and refused to risk saying, knowing that his conservative family still had a great influence on him. He sighed as a smile formed on his face as he remembered the broadcasts. So far there had only been one more, knowing that nothing could overcome the intensity of the things River had said in the first one, like he could make him become someone else when the cameras were on.

He also knew that it would come as a shock to him when he found out that R-Tay was Asher all the time, but he didn't plan on telling it now, he would still like to wait a little longer to tell him such a thing because otherwise, his friendship with the man could be at danger. After all, River certainly doesn't want his wife to know that he is contacting boys to satisfy himself, although that would make him lightly happy to understand how the relationship between him and that woman wasn't as flawless as he said before.

After a few more minutes he finally arrived at the café, already finding him sitting at one of the tables outside, touching his cell phone. He was wearing a blue suit, and he was able to assure with all certainty in the world that it only made him even more charming. As soon as the man approached, he left his cell phone on the table and stood up to greet him with a handshake, looking so harsh at that moment, that for a miserable moment he made Asher forget how he was moaning because he imagined being fucked by him. He smirked as he remembered this, and then sat down next to him, briefly noticing that he had called a woman to serve them, asking for a cappuccino, and waiting for Asher's request, who ordered only a regular black coffee.

— It took a little longer than expected for us to meet again, didn't it? — The man laughed, letting Asher only wish to say that the meeting of the two had taken place well before. — But I'm glad you're here. I really am.

— Of course. — He shrugged. — So... How's everything going?

— It depends. What kind of things?

— Your family, first of all.

— Fine. — He hesitated. — It's okay. Do you remember my mother? So she succeeded to divorce my dad a while ago.

— Ah! That's great... Abigail always liked me. She came to talk to me when those things happened, seemed to support us. — River frowned, then stood up to get the coffee before the girl arrived at the table as if this subject had made him restless, yet Asher did not stop. — What do you think things would have been like if nothing bad had happened to pull us apart?

— I don't know. — He took a sip of coffee. — Is _that_ important now? — His eyes met, noticing the mischief in Asher's gaze, remembering how he always used to tease him. — That was just a drunken teen experience. I'm not gay.

— Not even bi? — He leaned back in his chair. — You don't have to be gay just because you like men.

— I _don't_ like men. — A smile formed on Asher's face when he heard that as if he laughed. — What was that? What is it?

— You don't like it or you say that because your father would kill you if he knew you liked it? — He arched his eyebrow, finally taking a sip of his coffee, not taking away River's eye contact, which only pressed his lips. — Well, I'm not gonna push you to prove anything. Besides, that's not why we met, is it? — He smiled. — What about your grandfather? He liked me too when we were kids. At least that's what showed up when there were those silly little honors we had to do.

A consternated sigh came out of River's mouth when he said his grandfather had died about four years ago, sleeping peacefully in his bed when it happened. A depressing look came out of Asher's face as he said he was sorry that had asked about it, soon hearing from River that didn't need to apologize, as there was no way he could have known about it. He kept saying that even though it was a pity to speak on this subject, his grandfather had been very fortunate, even with all the stories he told about his friend whom he always wanted to meet again, from the moment he left Italy.

— Did you believe his stories? — Then he asked.

— Not at first, but... After his death, I decided to research this Benjamin of Milan. And honestly, what I found made me feel bad for never having believed in him so much. — Asher bent his eyebrow, curious. — It is said that this boy was held captive for ten years, and was found dead in Italian Switzerland in 1971, at twenty-nine, I think. I don't know if my grandfather knew about this, I hope not. — He sighed. — According to the report, it was suicide. He ingested over ten pills. And you know the sickest thing about all this?

— Do you still have something sicker than you said so far?

— Yes, even worse. It was the man who held him captive who called for help. He said he was so delusional he couldn't talk for hours.

— And what happened to him?

— I don't know, it didn't say on the news. — He took a sip of his coffee. — I hope he left without knowing his best friend was dead. God rest his soul. — He sighed. — And your family? I remember you spent more time at parties than you did at your own house.

Asher sighed, saying that his father had passed away a few years ago, giving him the same answer he had a few minutes before, saying that he was sorry, and sending his condolences, but Asher only said that his father didn't need that sort of thing. _''How can you be so heartless to your father?'', e_ ven though he didn't want the conversation to become so familiar, it came out of his mouth like a knife in the direction of the young man's heart, who only looked at his coffee.

— In the same way, you are so submissive to yours.

— It wasn't an onslaught. Don't take it all on the defensive.

— He was a pain in the ass. — He mumbled. — That's all. You met him once, you know how he was. His condition only got worse after my brother died because we couldn't afford to take him to the hospital. Because of him, my brother is dead, and because of him, my mother suffered so much.

— You should consider a little more the "surrender" that's tattooed on your neck. — Laughed, watching him roll his eyes. — And I'm not submissive to my father.

— Of course, you are. You fear him, you always have.

It might seem like an argument to anyone who saw them from a distance, but they always used to have this kind of conversation, especially the few times they talked during PE. It was not a rude way they spoke, since the speech was always calm, it was just the way they thought best to talk.

— I am not afraid of _him_. — He emphasized the word as he gestured. — It's just the way I am.

— Submissive? — A smirk came over Asher's face, sustaining the laughter;

— Shut the hell up. — He laughed, putting his hands on his face, to keep from revealing to the young man his flushed cheeks. — Ah! I almost forgot one thing. — He pulled another subject so that Asher would stop laughing, then pulled an invite from his pocket, causing the young man to frown. — My wife is driving me insane with this masquerade ball and is inviting everyone possible, and she asked me to invite you as well.

— _Me_? — He arched his eyebrow, taking the invite, seeing that it was a dark paper with golden details. — _Masquerade_... Ball? — He looked at him, paler than he'd like to be. — Oh, I don't even have the proper clothes... I just do not quite get along in that sort of thing.

— I insist. — He smiled. — It will be at the end of the month. Please go.

— And why I should go?

— I'll be at a table full of women who are Lace's friends and I don't know any of them. It'll be like hell. — Asher had a soft laugh when he saw the longing in his eyes. — I need a reason to leave the table a few times, and if you sit at the same table as Lincoln, it'll be even better. He'll like you anyway.

 _"Lincoln?"_ his tone went down when he repeated the man's name as if a part of him felt jealous because he spoke it so passionately. However, a smile formed on his face when he said that he was just a coworker and that consequently, he was his closest friend to the company. He pointed out that he could be quite sour when he wanted to, but was still a funny guy to talk to, as long as he didn't ask him about his love life.

— And why not?

— It's a disaster.

— _Ah_.

．．．

They stayed a few more minutes talking until River glanced at the time on his cell phone and said he needed to go because it was already late, pointing out that he had promised his daughter that would have dinner with her on this day, even though he was already a little late for that. Asher just said goodbye to him and saw him leave quickly, calling a taxi immediately.

He stared at him until he could no longer locate the car, then sighed as wondered if he had told the truth about his family since knew that if everything was so good he wouldn't need to seek comfort from a boy who makes pornographic broadcasts on the Internet. After a few more minutes thinking about it, he just shrugged his shoulders, taking the last sip of his coffee and seeing that River had already paid the bill, making him roll his eyes.

While he was walking through the streets that were now blowing a frigid wind, making him just put his arms around his body, so that it could warm him up a bit, the shake of his cell phone caught his attention, then he stopped walking to pick it up, finding out that it was Alexa asking if he was free.

 **Asher** : [Yeah, why?]

_(09:24 PM)_

**Pornexa** : [Cmhere. Im alone and ordered pizza]

_(09:24 PM)_

**Asher** : ['I'm coming.]

_(09:25 PM)_

Asher put his cell phone aside and hurried to Alexa's building, and when he reached the front, he had only asked the porter to let him in, and, as already knew him, only allowed him in. The boy went to the elevator and pressed the number six, then looking to the sides, since he was always frightened of it due to several falls, one being when he was there, last year, although it only caused him some scratches and a good trauma to carry on the back of that building.

— Finally. — He smiled as soon as the elevator door opened, showing Asher that he had the door open waiting for him. 

— Jade's not here, she went to an art contest, so I'm lonely. Come on in.

Jade was her girlfriend, although Asher had only met her a few times, she was fun, and the thing he remembered most about her, no doubt was the fact that she was always wearing a stained jumpsuit with some new ink color. To stop thinking about that, he just walked into the apartment, listening to her close the door and tell him to relax, since he was already part of the house.

— How are you doing? — Then he stared at her, watching her arch her eyebrows.

— Why are you asking this? You've never been one to ask that kind of thing all of a sudden.

— Your eyes are all puffy, you look like you've been crying. — She lamented towards the window while watching the movement.

— I was watching Marley & Me.

— No fucking way. — He turned around again, seeing her standing with a bottle of Coke in her hand. — That movie is 12 years old. You weren't fucking watching it, tell me you weren't.

— _I was_. — She grinned.

— Fuck, Alexa.

— And why are you all pissed off? Is it that River thing again? It's... River, right? — So she walked up to the couch, threw herself on it, and turned on the TV.

Alexa could be equally annoying at times, however, unlike River's friend she didn't become that way when someone asked her about her love life, but because she keeps watching movies that make her cry all the time. And because of this, it was still amazing to guess that she changed completely when she was in broadcasts, making him think that Jade didn't seem to care about this because she appeared in some broadcasts at times.

She was a black girl with her face being delicately square, a straight nose, and voluptuous lips, which during broadcasts were always reddish. There were several remarkable things in her, but the one that caught the most attention was a birthmark on her left thigh, always saying to Asher that it caused her too much insecurity during high school, but that now she loved it. She had also pierced her tongue and it was she who had encouraged Asher to pierce his lower lip.

Her hair was short at the time, in a military-style, even though she had already had all kinds of cuts and colors, going from her natural black to green. She liked to play with this and had the slogan 'always try new things', applied to this kind of stuff. Although she was already thinking of letting it grow to paint it purple.

— Yeah, his name is River... And it's not because of him.

— Did you know he lives _here_? — Asher widened his eyes. — I've seen him a few times in the elevator, always in a suitcase, he's hot, I must say. But his wife... She's quite astonishing, too.

— Why didn't you tell me this before? — He sat next to her, watching her shrug.

— I knew you'd come here more often and it would look very odd. — She smirked. — His daughter's a cutie, too. — Her gaze was distant. — Why are you gonna screw up this family, Asher? — Her tone suddenly got serious.

— I don't... I'm not gonna fuck up this family, Alexa.

— You're being selfish. — She sat on the couch, crossing her legs and taking her friend's hands. — I know you've liked this man before, but come on, think about what you're doing. Once he finds out you're R-Tay, it's all over.

— He invited me to a masquerade ball.

— No fucking way. No, no, no. Tell me you're not going, please.

— I will.

— Screw you, Ash. — She patted him on the shoulder, making him grumble. — I stayed by your side every time Harvey said you were being a piece of shit by staying with people who were committed, and I supported you by saying that you didn't know most of the times, at least. But now _you know_ and you're _still_ going through with it. Just to bang him some time and that's it. Wasn't last year's case enough for you? He even attempted to show up at a fucking broadcast and then say he was engaged.

— Stop acting like my mother, Alexa. — He muttered. — Look, I'm convinced that his marriage isn't doing so well, so... Maybe he'll get a divorce soon, and I won't be being an asshole. And Noah was a huge mistake, but we don't need to talk about him again.

— Promise me you won't broadcast with him until you're sure he's getting divorced then. — Asher compressed his lips, looking away from Alexa. — _Asher_... — She repeated more seriously.

 _"I'm sorry, I have to go,"_ then he said, getting up in a hurry, receiving a reproving look from Alexa, who only shouted at him to wait before he left, and so he did. Asher turned his face slightly in her direction, realizing that she was not looking back at him, suggesting that she was certainly upset by his action.

— His floor is the seventh, I don't know which apartment. I didn't say because I wanted to know the apartment number first.

— I'm sorry. — So he sighed, making her look at him with a smile on his face. — I'm gonna get away from him, I swear I will.

— This isn't for me, Asher, it's for _you_. — She took a deep breath. — I don't want you to get into any more trouble.

— I know... — He smiled. — Thank you.

_But even though he knew about that, he didn't get away._


	8. Locker Room

_Chapter Seven_

* * *

**[‘’You taste like heaven, but God knows you're built for sin.’’]**

**－** **Don't forget to vote and comment** **－**

**．．．**

_New York, March 12, 2008._

It was the moment of PE. Asher, as always, was playing recklessly, and River nothing but sitting on the bleachers, looking precisely at the game, as if he understood anything that was taking place. He took a deep breath, leaning back on the bench and just running his nervous hands through his wavy hair, which, at the time, was passing out of his ear. It had been cut less than two months ago, but it was surprising how fast it was inevitably growing.

He was seventeen years old, but sometimes he felt older than he really was for all the responsibilities his cruel father lay on his back. He was the president of the class, and of most of the courses he had to take. It was terribly tiring if he admitted it to anyone. But all he could do was put a bland smile on his face and lead the way it was possible, although everyone inevitably saw him as an impeccable student nevertheless of his choice or positioning.

It was not for nothing that he was dating the most desired girl in his school. Stacy was her name. She possessed long, curly hair that reached her waist, big bright brown eyes, and a robust body — for being part of the cheerleaders. She was a delightful youthful girl, to say the least. Due to the time he lost figuring out other people’s minor problems at school, he barely spent time with her, and whenever he had the opportunity, never gave her the night of sex she craved.

She had desperately tried many times before, more than he could count on his fingers, but the truth is, although he thought she was a wonderful girl, he just couldn’t do it. It wasn’t because of the insecurity of his body, after all, she had already seen him naked many times; they had even showered together as a result of another misguided attempt by the girl.

Stacy had previously given him a blowjob when the pressure from their bodies while enjoying a burning kiss indeed made him a bit hard. And River already had fucked her with his fingers when they were lying after spending the first time in her house. But besides that, nothing had happened. He regularly found a pathetic excuse: “Ah, I’m sleepy”, or “Please, later”, and in the end, they never ended up doing anything.

He already lied to his father when he asked him about it and knew that even if he was evasive the way he was, he wouldn’t really be able to ask Stacy personally. Finally, he reluctantly took a deep breath, trying to persuade her out of his head for at least a moment, and then pay attention to the game again.

His fearful eyes always seemed to follow Asher on that court, even when he didn’t want to. He simply seemed to draw attention, or that’s what he persuaded himself. He couldn’t deny saying that he hadn’t imagined what it would feel like to have him near himself again, but maybe, in another way, a more intimate and... Hot. They used to be very close a few years ago, but in time, each one went his own way and both of them moved away for good, even if when it was necessary, they exchanged one word or another.

And it was also unquestionable that his notorious reputation as a stallion followed him everywhere. He would stay with anyone who popped up in front of him. It seemed like a matter of necessity, of burning desire, if anyone would admit it. He knew that his situation at home wasn’t the best and thought that he behaved this way to get the attention he never actually received — and probably wouldn’t get anymore at that point.

Asher had light brown hair equally at the height of his ears, although the cut was different from his own; it was split in half, always with a few threads inevitably falling on his forehead, and because it was straight, it wasn’t so hard to arrange it. Even having only sixteen, he already had a piercing in his mouth and two in his eyebrow, making certain rumors that he planned even to put a piercing on the dick if it was necessary. But even knowing him a little, he knew that he was not that kind of person.

He smiled foolishly when recalled the conversations they used to have a short time ago. He seemed to have changed completely. Now, River felt a fervent appeal for him, even if he tried to deny as much as he could. He knew his father would kill him if he found out anything.

Regardless, his eyes went to the star of the team. His hair falling on his face while his gaze — my God, how beautiful his eyes were — seemed to cross his opponents. River unconsciously took his hand to his mouth, taking the sensitive skin from his lustful lips while imagining what lay beneath those tight shorts. The teeth went through his lips, provoking minor bleeding while his tongue soon ran to clean, pondering what it would be like to have Asher in front of him.

He would give anything to see his body. If he closed his eyes, it would be as if everything was already schematized, and was able to see the scenes with such clearness that they looked real. For some reason, he would allow Asher to inappropriately touch him. God, how badly he desperately wanted him to touch him.

He felt his breath fail as he thought of his hands running through his body, teasing him, squeezing his nipples, caressing each part with care. He looked at the ground when this scene was so clear in his mind that he only took a deep breath as if the air was in fact gone.

He squeezed his anxious fingers against the palm of one of his hands while imagining Asher pulling his hair while fucking him. What would his expression be like? His hot breath coming into contact with his neck while leaving marks that would stay for days. His perfect mouth biting his neck, his legs, everything. It didn’t matter, he just wanted to feel the sensation of having it in himself.

When he looked back to the court and realized that the gaze of the boy met his own, his eyes widened and just crossed his legs almost instantly, grumbling with himself. Asher smiled, not suspecting anything and making a gesture to him as if to greet him, and then returning to pay attention to the game.

He murmured bitterly to himself, not wanting to accept that he really had a boner thinking about him. Thinking of another man. And the worst of it all was that he was at school, sitting awkwardly on the bleachers. This had never happened before. Shit, why did he let his mind take him to such reserved lands in _that_ place?

He looked away, knowing that he could ease his problem if he went to the locker room since there wouldn’t be anyone at that moment. And then, as there was really no other option left, he just got up, walking in the most normal way he could to the locker rooms.

He sighed deeply when entered, looking at every possible corner to be sure that nobody else would be there and could find him. He went to where his locker was — which fortunately was far away from the entrance door and gave him a good cover in case someone came in from nowhere. He sat down on the benches and took a deep breath, opening the zipper of his jeans and grumbling as soon as he felt the awkward boner there.

He couldn’t believe he was doing that at school. Nor could he believe that he was having to do it by thinking about Asher.

River just lowered his boxers a little so that his dick, throbbing for the slightest attention, could be released. A groan of perverse delight departed from his lips as soon as he felt the discomfort lessen. Nothing worse than pants squeezing a hard-on which, by itself, was already sore. He glanced at his dick for a few moments, a little painting with the adrenaline of that situation. It was so damn hard. He had never been like that with Stacy before.

All he did was take a deep breath, wrapping his dick around his hand and making movements not so slow — he wanted to end it as soon as possible. He brought his other hand to his mouth, foolishly trying to make as little noise as possible while fucking his hand. He closed his eyes for an instant, remembering the scene he had imagined, and that had started all this discomfort.

His tongue passed over his lips as he imagined Asher in front of him, leaving him on his knees in his usual raw way. He could perfectly imagine the lustful look of that boy; his hazel half-closed eyes, his mouth open while his fingers wrapped his wavy hair and thrust him against his dick.

The movements of his hand increased when he imagined it, and almost instantly, the hand came out of his mouth and went under his shirt, caressing his chest, playing with his sore nipples while having the perfect vision of what it would be like to suck Asher’s cock. If he jerked in his mouth, he knew he would swallow everything.

 _“Fuck...“,_ he grumbled at himself, opening his eyes for a brief moment. He'd give anything to get Asher to fuck him. He felt the need to have something inside him while his hand moved quickly on his dick, but he had never done that before and was afraid that the first time would be in that locker room, so in the end, he chose to keep only his hand.

．．．

Asher had been pushed so hard against the ground that, even though it was fluffy grass, he scratched all his arm and part of his leg. Since he had already broken himself many times, any fall like this always worried him a little. And even though he didn’t have any unbearable pain, the coach advised him to leave. He had to give place to a guy on the bench. He always replaced him when he was injured, but neither did he remember his name.

And although he didn’t crack anything, a cut on the knee always bothered a little when walking, already receiving a disapproving look from his coach when he saw him limping for a miserable moment _. “I’m going to clean this damn blood,”_ he grumbled to himself, although he had spoken loud enough for the man just to nod at him.

Before leaving in the direction of the locker room, he looked at the bleachers, realizing that River was no longer there. Maybe he had gone to do his homework or something like that, so he didn’t even care if he might or might not be in the locker room as well.

He didn’t cause any harsh noise when he entered but allowed himself to limp a little until he reached his locker, taking off part of his used uniform with caution. But before he could lead himself to the sinks to pass a little water on the bruises, a low groan seized his attention. A moan. Yes, that’s what it was.

He looked around, but he didn’t come across anyone, so careful not to make any noise, already waiting for some athlete fucking some cheerleader in some boxes, he continued his step to the back of the locker room. However, when he bumped into River, with his back to where he was, sitting on the bench and stroking his dick while muttering a name he couldn’t understand, his eyes widened.

How was that perfect boy doing this in that odd place? And, despite the surprise, he couldn’t get his attention right away; he stayed in the place he was, just paying attention to his moans. They were lovely. Low, and sometimes high. But when he realized that if he longer stayed a little watching him, he would have the same problem, just came a little closer and called out his name.

River stopped at the same moment _. ‘’A... Asher?’’,_ a low, broke voice with panting breath, that’s how he pronounced his name, not having the courage to turn and glance him directly in the eye. As he heard his footsteps approaching, he only arranged himself in the best way he could.

— You can finish this. I really don’t give a damn. — He cast an ambiguous smile at him, and just looked away, feeling his cock throbbing as an answer. — Or do you wanna a helping hand? — He arched one of his eyebrows, kidding.

River said nothing, just kept looking down.

— Do you wanna? — He insisted, getting a little closer and holding him by the chin so that he could stare him directly in the anxious eyes. — As friends. Friends help each other, eh?

River couldn’t declare anything, and he was still a bit panting and his heart seemed to go out through his mouth if he opened it. _‘’I swear I ain’t gonna tell nobody,’’_ he whispered in his ear, causing a chill to run all over his spine, and almost as if it was an instant reaction from his body whenever he was near that boy, a sigh escaped from his lips, resembling a groan.

He recognized that, if he was in that embarrassing situation, any of the options would stay in his memory for a long time. But he would take minimal advantage of the situation to at least be touched by Asher, even if it wasn’t the way he desperately wanted. So he just leaned back a little on the bench, looking away with his cheeks burning with so much embarrassment when he realized it was possible to see his boner.

— You’re hard as fuck. — He said a little surprised. — Who the fuck were you thinking about, hm?

 _‘’You,”_ he answered in his mind. Asher sat beside him and pressed his teeth over his lips when he got close enough to hear his gasping breath. The boy took his hand to his dick, spreading the pre-cum that was on the tip with his thumb, causing a sly groan from River, who only took his hand to his mouth, thinking that it couldn’t get even more embarrassing. _‘’Who would have thought that someone like you would be jerking off here in the locker room...'',_ Asher said softly, almost whispering in his ear again while his hand moved by the boy’s cock.

— Holy shit... — He grumbled at himself, hanging his head back slightly as Asher’s strokes gradually increased.

— Are you close? — River just nodded, directing his burning gaze at Asher’s shorts, realizing a suspicious bulge that wasn’t there before.

— You... Let me give you a hand, too... — He said low, moaning.

Asher bent one of his eyebrows, not expecting that move from River _. “No need, soon I’ll fix it,”_ he answered almost as if it was unconscious, not understanding why he would like to do it. The boy, on the other hand, just denied it, emphasizing Asher didn’t need it either, but he was doing it, anyway.

— So we owe each other nothing. — He said with a smile as if they were really going to continue as if nothing had happened afterward.

The boy just nodded at the end, moving a little away from River so that he could stroke him equally. He asked Asher to cease the movements, since he didn’t want to cum yet, and stared for a few moments at that bulge in his shorts before touching it over the fabric. It was huge, of that he was sure. Before he faced too much, he just pulled his shorts, along with his underwear, and grimly watched with a soft smile the dick be freed.

— What’s up? — Asher asked when he saw him still for a few seconds.

— Nothing. — He directed his gaze to the boy. — You are quite big, huh?

— You think so? — A sarcastic smile on that boy’s face was enough to leave him almost breathless, even if Asher wasn’t even touching him.

— Well... Friends help friends, right? — He tried to remember that when he wrapped his hand around Asher’s dick, watching him nod.

As his hand moved, he wanted to say how he would like to have that dick inside him, fucking him hard until tears ran down his rosy cheeks. How he would like to feel it coming down his throat and finally feel its taste. But he knew he couldn’t just give Asher a blowjob in that locker room, especially since he would go much further than the idea that ‘friends always give a hand.’ A little hand was different from his mouth, sucking every inch of that dick.

— Was it because of the situation or me? — He asked as he approached, placing his other hand on Asher’s leg, almost thrusting himself close to his face.

— Do you want me to be honest? — He answered a little breathless for having River so close to him, and his situation did not improve when he saw his consent. — Because of you.

The boy just widened his eyes, getting even closer _. “I have an idea,”_ Asher then said something before River simply dared to impulsively kiss him. He pulled River’s hand away from his cock and pulled him close, almost making him sit on one of his legs.

— Wha— _Ah_!— a moan he thought was scandalous interrupted his speech; sinking his face into Asher’s shoulder so he didn’t need to see his reaction.

Their dicks rubbed themselves in a way that caused shivers in both of their spines. _“Friends, friends...’’,_ River tried to convince himself while he felt Asher’s hand pumping the dicks together, at a relentless pace that made him hold back the moans as much as possible. He didn’t want to look like a chick desperate for sex, but that’s what was coming up. A hopeless little bitch for that boy.

— That... That’s good... — He said in the middle of sighs against his neck, he agreed. — Ah... A-Asher... — The boy moved his hips slightly, further increasing the overwhelming pressure between their dicks, almost making River turn his eyes by the sensitivity. — Asher... Damn... — He didn’t even care what he was talking about anymore, he just mumbled his name as his orgasm approached.

— You can cum, know that, right? — He whispered tenderly in his ear, slightly biting his lobe as if it were a game. But it was enough for River to just compress his eyes and press his hip against Asher’s, again increasing the pressure.

A low groan broke from his lips while he cums in Asher’s hand, which continued to rub against him. His chest was moving up and down quite often and he had almost no air. He desperately tried to recover from the orgasm, but with Asher not ceasing his movements, so that he could probably cum too — and torture him a little — it became even more difficult. _‘’Asher... Asher... P-P... Please... “,_ he was a huge mess when he tried to get the boy’s attention, but he didn’t stop. On the contrary, he increased, even more, the intensity of the movements.

— Please, Asher... Fu... Fuuck... I—I think I’ll break... — He closed his eyes, not being able to keep them open while that euphoria passed through his veins.

— You’re not gonna break, just breathe. — Asher smiled at River; his voice being husky, knowing that he was close to orgasm too. — Friends help others. — He whispered in his ear as he passed his thumb over the tip of his dick, rubbing gently and making him whine. — Stacy... Does she leave you like this? — He asked breathlessly.

— A... Asher... Ah... Unnhg... — Nothing meaningful came out of his mind and felt ashamed to feel tears flowing down his cheeks from the intensity of the feeling.

— Fuck... — The boy grumbled, almost unconsciously pulling River closer; his other hand went under his shirt, and because he had seen him do it before, he knew it was a sensitive point, so he started playing with his nipples, aggressively pushing his hip up so that the pressure between the arousals was so much that River would cum again.

And so it goes. A few more movements were enough that a husky groan broke from Asher’s lips and his eyes squeezed while he finally cums, feeling River go crazy again, leading his hands to his back and simply sinking his face into his shoulders. And even if he wasn’t seeing him, still knew he was as red as his uniform and that, if it was possible, he would scratch his back while he felt a second orgasm hit him.

— You... You really are a mess... Fucking mess... — River then walked away, staring him straight in the eye, still processing everything.

— Admit it. That was the most intense orgasm you ever had. — He smiled cockily, watching him wipe himself with a piece of toilet paper.

— Fuck off... — He grumbled, throwing his hair back, noticing a few drops of sweat on his forehead. — Never tell that to anyone.

 _‘’It’s okay for me''_. He got up and took a toilet paper to clean himself, only then remembering the cut of his knee and how it hurt _. “Just... One thing,”_ he turned around, seeing River still getting clean.

— What?

— _Someday you’ll moan my name again_.


	9. Fight

_Chapter Eight_

* * *

**[‘’We are two broken humans who make each other feel undeniably good again.’’]**

**．．．**

**— Don’t forget to vote and comment —**

_New York, March 7, 2020._

River was thinking of the excuses he could tell his wife as soon as he got home and she realized it was past ten at night and was just returning to his modest apartment now. He could warn her the work had been overwhelming, but he knew she would no longer believe his words because of all the times he had spoken this, or he could only inform her he had not realized how the hours had passed while he was with Lincoln. Still, the truth was he was with Asher.

They had done nothing nasty, certainly not, they had only met in a bar to talk about life and ended up losing all conception of time. Yet he knew that if he said he was meeting another man like Lace did not know, he could only increase the distrust she felt towards him. When he arrived at his building, he only pressed the number of his floor in a hurry, feeling the silence hugging his body, making him wonder how bad it was for his wife.

He sighed, finally arriving at his apartment and opening the door with caution, afraid that he might wake someone up if Lace was already asleep. At first, this was what he thought when he saw all the lights were off, so he just left his suitcase on the table and crossed the living room, thinking of going directly to the bedroom, however, a voice made him immediately stop his step.

— Where were you? — It was Lace.

When he turned around, he found she was sitting on the sofa; her legs crossed and her gentle hands were shaking on them as if she was holding her cry for a long time. _“Emma has been asleep for quite some time,”_ she then got up, squeezing her rosy lips and staring him directly in the eyes, as if she wished to unveil him with just one look.

— Sorry. — Sighed the man, choosing not to express anything else, just taking a step forward and carefully wrapping her with his arms. — Forgive me, Lace.

River stroked her glorious hair, feeling her trembling in his arms, making him ask again what he was doing with that lovely woman. He knew this was not the person he wanted to be, but it was as if, in practice, it was inevitable to leave her alone for any other person he found on the way, as if everyone was more interesting than her, and truly, thinking about it, hurt him.

— What is this scent...? — After a few moments, she moved away, and by the pale scintillation caused by the moon entering the window, it was possible to see tears gathering in her eyes. — Why are you smelling another perfume? I can recognize it. It’s Malbec. That’s very masculine. — Then the tears fell, making her start to walk around the sofa. — God...

— Lace... It’s not... It’s not what you think. — He tried to justify himself, but he knew it would only make things worse for him. — I promise you, it’s not that. — He tried to lean on his wife, but she just walked away.

— Do you think I’m naive, River? — She didn’t want to scream, so she just took a deep breath and tried not to turn in his direction, as if her presence now disgusted him. — Do you really think I don’t know you after all this time? It’s not the first time. I have been trying to figure you out for a long time, but it seems that you close yourself like a damn shell and don’t want me to understand you. And it hurts.

— Isn’t it the first time? — The air was missing in his lungs when he repeated those words.

— My God... Do you _truly_ think I am just a little piece of trash in your life and that I don’t get what’s under my nose?! — She couldn’t restrain her outcry as she turned abruptly back, gazing at him with glee. — The escapades during the night... The peculiar smell of drink on your clothes the next day... Do you honestly think I didn’t notice _any_ of this before? I can tell any boy in a bar is a lot better than my company, right?

River opened his mouth to state something. However, nothing came out of it, as if his subconscious knew it would only hurt her even more if he confirmed those stories. But she didn’t need any ratification, she already knew perfectly well and could understand this by looking at his eyes. It wasn’t really anger that was in them; it was discouragement, dismay for having been deceived and keeping it a secret to himself for who knows how long.

— The major problem is not that you like men. The problem is you have been cheating me like a meaningless doll, unable to look to the sides and connect the dots! I don’t care if the betrayal is with men or women; the problem is it happened! And it keeps happening because my entire existence is fucking gross to you now, isn’t it, River? Maybe it always has been.

— Stop self-deprecating, Lace.

— _Stop?!_ How will I stop when my husband finds strangers more interesting than the woman with whom he has a daughter?! I’ve been trying to put this under the carpet, to convince myself that everything would get better and you would appreciate my company, who knows, but of course, this didn’t happen, so nice, River!

— I like your damn company, my God!

— No... You don’t like River. You, in some way that I still don’t understand, only convinced yourself that you do, but, deep down, you know you don’t like it. — He knew it was true, so he just kept quiet. — And the worst thing is that you remain silent as if you knew that I always spoke the truth! But you can never really put it into words.

— If I’m so awful, why don’t you leave me?

— Why...? — Her speech failed as if it were such an ignorant question that it made her want to laugh. — Why is that, River? Because I love you! Do you know what that’s like? What is it like to love someone?! You can’t just leave that fucking person behind as if they were nothing! Do you think that if I could, I wouldn’t have left you already?! I just don’t understand... I really don’t understand why you’re still with me if I do nothing that delights you. — She sighed. — You’re constantly complaining about how awful your father is, but to be honest, you’re just like him! You shamelessly use me as if I were an object to display on some shelf, as he always did with you!

River at that moment only looked at her with the same gaze as she had looked at him before. He could be entitled several things and accept peacefully, but certainly being compared to his father was not one of those things. That man had always deprived him of the life he wanted, always having to move some pieces from the chess game he thought was his life so that things would always come out as his way. And, in case they didn’t, he made them come out. In some way or another.

— Never compare me to my father, Lace. — His tone was harsh as he approached the woman, who only took a few steps back, enough to collide against the bookcase to see there was no more room to wander. — I’m not like him! — He yelled. — It was you who chose this fucking life, Lace! — Then he walked away, his eyes were also starting to get sore. — Don’t think you didn’t use me either, because you did. You used me because you knew I had enough money to get you out of that shitty place where you lived miserably!

— Ah! Now you’re calling me a whore?! — She walked away too. — I always admired you! From fucking high school until after I left and got close enough to finally tell you how much I loved you, and then you call me a whore who just used you to get me out of that fucking place?! — She slammed her hand against the couch. — Who do you think you are, River?!

— Because of you I couldn’t enjoy my fucking twenties! There was so much I could have done, but I didn’t. Do you know why? Because I know what fucking love is! I know what it is because if I didn’t love you, I would have done much worse things than I have done so far! God, I’m the son of a Garcia, almost everyone knows who I am, I could have been a piece of shit with you and dumped you the first night!

— You’re being a piece of shit now, so what’s the point? — She was gesticulating while walking from side to side. — You’re so selfish it gets sick! You don’t even care how horrible you are being with Emma all this time, because all that matters to you is that you can fuck new guys at night! You’re an asshole!

— _You_ made me be like that! _You_ made me throw away part of what was to be the peak of my life because I had to get married! I didn’t even want to get married! I didn’t even like you enough for that! — When he realized that Lace’s expression had changed, he just took a deep breath. — What? Now you’re going to play the victim cause that’s what you do best?!

— _Emma_.

River’s eyes widened as he looked back slowly so that he could see Emma standing in front of that situation, with tears flowing. When Lace took a step forward to reach the girl, she only ran to the room again, closing the door with a big bang afterward. _“Great,”_ the woman said, looking directly to River after this, making him sigh.

— I’m sorry...

— You’re not sleeping here tonight. — That’s all she declared, then going towards her room.

River took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a few seconds, so he wouldn’t have a breakdown at that moment and would end up breaking something by momentum. When he was slightly calmer, he only directed his slow steps towards his daughter’s room, standing in front of the door and knocking lightly on it.

— Emma Please, let’s talk. — He said, his tone being whimpery.

— Go away! — He could hear her voice echoing inside her bedroom, causing him only to frown and compress his lips, then walking away.

When he glanced over his room, he could see Lace sitting on the bed, apparently crying. He knew it would be a bad idea to approach her at that moment, so he just decided to do what she had told him and went to the front door, picking up his cell phone at the same moment and dialing a number he didn’t want to believe. _“Hi Asher,”_ he said as soon as the young man answered him, trying to make his voice sound less weepy.

— Is everything all right?

— Do you mind if I sleep there tonight?

— Of... Of course... I’ll text you the address... But why? — There was obvious confusion in his intonation. — Are you sure everything’s okay?

— I’ll explain later. — So he hung up.

Soon he got Asher’s message, so he just closed the door of his apartment and went to the elevator, looking at himself in the mirror so he could see how hateful he was at that moment. When he left his building, he just checked Asher’s message one more time, seeing it wasn’t a building so far from his own.

．．．

Meanwhile, Lace was sitting on her bed, with her hands over her eyes, trying to stop the tears that insisted on falling. She knew it was no longer worth crying for River, however, her body didn’t seem to understand this. Sighed, then also taking her cell phone and dialing her friend Elizabeth’s number; she understood it was already late to call her home, however, she was the only person who seemed to care about her well being lately.

— Do you mind coming over here? — She said as soon as her friend answered her, in a sleepy voice.

— What’s with that tone? — She sounded worried. — Of course not, I’m coming. Is everything okay?

— Yes, it’s fine. — She sighed. — I think I just need a little company. Sorry for the trouble.

— Oh, please, that’s what friends are for. I’m on my way.

Elizabeth was Lincoln’s ex-wife, and because of this, she understood what Lace was going through, as she had had to endure her husband’s betrayals for years until he finally came to terms with being gay, saying everything had gone from compulsory heterosexuality. She had always been her best friend, however, in the last days, she had almost become her adviser.

As soon as she arrived, Lace just went to the door, widening her eyes when she saw she had a bottle of wine. _“Why this?”_ she asked as soon as she entered the apartment.

— Off and on we need to get drunk to face life. — She giggled, seeing Lace's consent. — Where is Emma?

— Sleeping. She locked the door, didn’t want to talk to River or me.

— And where is _he_?

— I didn’t want him to sleep here tonight. We had a terrible fight. — She sighed, collapsing on the couch. — Emma saw us fighting. I think she heard more than she should have.

Elizabeth sighed, going to the kitchen and opening the shelves to get two glittering glasses and pouring the wine, then going to the sofa and sitting on Lace’s side, approaching her and putting her head on her shoulder, as if she were a child in need of consolation, and indeed she felt that way. _“You should let him go. This is ruining you. You are still a woman in your early twenties, and it’s astonishing, you will find another easily. ‘’_

— But I love him. — She cried. — He was my first love. It was all very enchanting at first; he was the perfect guy. Gentle, sexy, funny, great in bed, he was everything. And now... Now I feel like he’s nothing like that anymore, not even close to it.

— Maybe he was never this perfect man, Lace. — She sighed. — I used to think the same way about Lincoln... Look, we don’t know what they’re thinking, how hard it is to kill a feeling. That’s why I let him go.

— And it was painful?

— Of course, it was, Lace. I loved him with heart and soul, but we were still friends after that. It was as if we had always been just friends, so when the marriage ended, everything was the same. As if we had always been like that, you know?

— It’s just that... I think there might still be a way out for us. I think Emma might be deeply upset when she finds out that we’re breaking up... And I don’t want her to suffer, Beth.

— She’s already suffering, Lace. — Elizabeth tenderly stroked her hair, taking a sip of wine. — She is seeing you fight often and this will affect her in the future, so it is much easier if you two just split up... You know the guard would stay with you, and River could keep in touch with you visiting her on weekends. — She sighed. — The truth is that if you are trying so hard for there to find a way out, it’s because there is no more. But it depends on you. If you think the best is to stay with him and be unhappy just for Emma to have a father, then you stay. But it’s not what I would do...

— I know... — She whined. — Do you mind if you stay here tonight? I don’t think I want to stay in my room alone. — So she stared at her, watching her agree. — Thank you, Beth. You’re a great friend.

— So were you when it happened. — Smiled. — This is what friends are for.

．．．

— My God, you look like shit. — It was the first thing Asher said as soon as he gently opened the door and made a gesture for him to enter his apartment. — I’m sorry it’s a mess, I didn’t have time to...

— I don’t care about this. — He sighed.

— Why did you decide to come here and not that dear friend of yours?

— Your name was the first thing that crossed my mind. — He stared at Asher. — I sincerely hope I’m not disturbing you. — His eyes turned to a room with the light on and the door closed, making him frown.

— No, of course not. — He smiled. — Come, I’ll take you to my room.

Asher made a sign to follow him, and he did so by passing him through the living room, having some dishes on the center table, as if he usually ate while watching television. Soon the young man opened the door to his room, showing him a regular bedroom, nothing fancy, but the computer and all the surrounding paraphernalia.

— Ah, don’t mind this. — He pointed to the computer, doing so only by consenting. — So... Why don’t you sit here and tell me what the fuck happened? — He smiled, going up to his bed and sitting on it, giving light beats on the mattress so that River would go to his side.

The man soon went, passing his hands on his face and revealing he had had a fight with his wife, but that he would not like to give more details about it. At the same instant, Asher’s eyes widened, thinking that he would try to keep the farce of the impeccable relationship for longer, however, he only understood that if the man had gone to meet him after a fight between him and Lace it was because, in fact, things had gotten worse.

— Am I just like my father? — Suddenly he asked, his gaze being far away.

— No... Of course not. — The answer was immediate, while an expression of antipathy came to his face as he remembered him. — With deep respect, but your father is a disgrace.

— I know. — He sighed.

— Then why did you ask? — He arched his eyebrow.

— Nothing. — He shrugged, staring at him. — What do you think I am then, Asher?

— A good person. — He smiled. — But even good people make mistakes sometimes. And I think that’s what happened to you. — So he stood up. — But you better get some sleep. A good night’s sleep helps a lot. — Then he approached the door.

— _Wait_.

— Yes? — He looked back.

— Stay. At least for a few minutes. — He seemed shy requesting it, but Asher understood he was vulnerable. — I think I need a friend to back me up.

Asher just grinned and went in his direction, sitting on the opposite side of the bed and leaning on his pillows so that their position wouldn’t be too strange for a man who called himself straight. _“Whatever happened between you and your wife, I hope you two reconcile,”_ he knew he was being hypocritical at the time, but he also understood how much River needed a little positivity at that moment and had to lie for that reason.

The man didn’t answer him. He just took off his shoes and lay on his back to Asher, making him realize how he slept shrunk. _‘’And in all ways, I will be here,’’_ he whispered in his ear, yet only when he had finished speaking realized that he was already asleep, making him smile. He saw how he had deep dark circles under his brilliant eyes and didn’t even try to hide them, making him think how many nights he spent without sleep because of an argument or something like that.

．．．

The next morning, River was the first to wake up, widening his eyes when he saw that Asher’s hand was on his waist. He took a deep breath, remembering nothing had happened between the two, so he only slowly turned toward the young man, proving his deep sleep, and managing to see him sleeping peacefully. His hair being all over his face, making him think how he could leave him tidy like that when he wanted to, the same way his mouth was slightly half-open and his breath was soft.

— No, no, no. — He grumbled to himself when he realized he was over repairing. — No, River. — He sighed, then getting up, maybe a little too fast, since Asher waked up, rubbing his eyes and taking a few moments for him to recall why that man was there. — I’m sorry. I’m going.

— What? — His voice came out more slurred than he intended, making him just sit on the bed and straighten his hair, just pulling it back completely. — No, no. At least have some breakfast, I insist. — He smiled. — People say it’s bad not to have breakfast. Come on, let’s go.

Then he got up completely, pulling him by the arm, still looking a little sleepy, however, his body seemed to wake up instantly when he saw Adryan in the kitchen. For some reason, his brain simply completely forgot his existence during the last night and this morning, as if in fact it was safe to bring a man for breakfast with that guy, even more, that man being River, the person who has been talking about most in the last weeks.

— You didn’t tell me you had a roommate. — He seemed uncomfortable with the idea.

— Believe me, I had completely forgotten. — He sighed then slowly approaching Adryan. — Good morning. — He kept his voice down, trying to get his attention.

Adryan turned in his direction, but his gaze directed directly at River, which turned his gaze away, causing a smile to appear on his face. _“ So, how was the night?”_ he asked as if to provoke Asher, who only took a deep breath to avoid an outburst of anger at that instant.

— Does he fuck well? — He said looking at River; he knew he was giving back what Asher had done when he brought that boy last year. — Or you couldn’t give it a try? — He arched his eyebrow.

— We did nothing. — Then River could contest, with his cheeks slightly flushed.

— Great, let’s just have coffee, huh, Adryan? — He stared him straight in the eye, and if it were possible, the flames would be clear in his gaze, seeing him only consenting and shrugging. — We don’t need to talk about this.

— Ah... Of course. — He smiled, causing Asher only to sigh, knowing that he was not ready to stop.

They both took things to the table near the living room, where it could be considered almost a dining room. Asher knew that Adryan wouldn’t stop until he could see River in fact ashamed of the things he was saying, and certainly, at that moment he regretted the fact that he was so drunk in the morning that he had introduced him Noah, to the point of expressing things so embarrassing.

— It’s River, isn’t it? — Then he asked when he was taking a sip of coffee, seeing him only consenting. — To be honest, it doesn’t look like he fucked you in high school. — River choked on the coffee.

— _Adryan_. — Asher looked at him with such disgust at that moment. — That’s enough, isn’t it? — He said it like it was a death threat.

— What? — He raised his eyebrow. — I’m just talking. Isn’t that what we talked about, Asher? Isn’t that what we should all be talking about? — There seemed to be a sense of anger in his intonation. — But what a shame that you did nothing during the night. I heard a rumor that he fucks very well. Pretty hard, ya know?

River suddenly looked at Asher, making him frown in response as if it were some fair apology. Adryan smirked at River like he wanted to dissect him with only that look, then extending his foot to River’s shin, which made him look towards him. Adryan could have stopped, but, he only remained to raise his foot to River’s groin, where he pressed it, smiling when he saw his reaction of surprise, and, at the same time, where he had shown no reaction to Asher.

— Why don’t you tell River your little nasty secret, Asher?

Asher only looked disguisedly under the table and compressed his lips, taking a kick in Adryan’s leg, who laughed and then got up. _“I’m just returning the same coin. I said it would be worse. ‘’_ , said as soon as he got up, taking his cup to the sink.

— I’m really sorry for him. — Then he said, staring River straight in the eyes. — Please do not think I am like him.

— It’s okay. — His voice came out low. — I’ve seen worse.

Adryan passed by them again, however, did nothing else, just directed to the bathroom, presumably going to take his bath. River was silent after that, making Asher only sigh, and the will to kill his roommate only increased at every moment _. “He usually is not like that”,_ then said again.

— I already said it's fine. — He emphasized, looking a little enraged. — Don’t apologize if it wasn’t your fault.

— Right. — He sighed, watching him get up when he realized his cell phone was ringing.

He saw that he unblocked his cell phone quickly and saw some message, soon making an expression of shock appear on his face, while he rushed to the room again to put on his shoes. _“What happened?”_ Asher asked as soon as he got up and went to his room behind him.

— Work. — He grumbled, putting on his shoe and got up. — I’m late and they’re already calling me. Sorry for the sudden exit.

— No problem. — He shrugged, then going to the front door and opening it. — Bye.

— Bye, Asher. Thanks again for letting me spend the night here. — He smiled at him, then walking away and going towards the elevator.

Asher stared at him until he arrived and River waved at him one last time, followed by a friendly wink. He smiled, finally closing the door and taking a deep breath, looking at the bathroom door with glee, not hesitating to walk there and open it.

— What the fuck were you thinking? — He arrived screaming, making him smile.

— You did the same to me. I brought Noah because he was my friend, and you were an asshole with him, and then you know what happened? You fucked him.

— Look, you should thank me for being me and not you who had to deal with that fucking fiancé afterward!

— Damn, thanks for fucking my friend, for making him appear in broadcasts so that your fucking chat still talks about him one year later! Thanks a lot for that, Asher! And now all this is repeating itself, guess why? Because you’re a sneaky little motherfucker!

— He came here because he had a fight with his fucking wife!

— And what did you do? You consoled him by saying everything was going to work out as you did with Noah so that he would fall into this fucking charm of yours and then fuck him until his partner finds out and the walls close for you again?! — He approached him, with the towel wrapped around his waist, gesturing exaggeratedly. — I know I’m an asshole like you, but I don’t repeat the same fucking mistake more than three times!

— I wasn’t the one to blame when this happened to Noah! He used me, and you’re aware of it, but you don’t want to accept it because he was your sweet little friend. — He mumbled. — River has nothing to do with this story, and if it sucks, you won’t get involved. So don’t make things worse.

— Fuck you.

Asher thought to say something else, however, he only left the bathroom, causing a bang through the door that simply pushed to close it. He knew that arguments were normal when living with someone who was his complete opposite, so he knew that eventually, they would both be insulting each other friendly again as good friends, but until then, he wouldn’t want to see Adryan’s face to avoid get angrier.

_Turns out, he was right._


End file.
